Best of the worst

It’s always a frightening proposition when anything is labeled “The Best of. …” At one end of the spectrum you might be treated to a large number of very good films, but on the other hand you could end up wallowing knee deep in a dismal load of sewage like The Best of the Ottawa International Animated Film Festival.

First, let’s just dismiss the three shorts that are not only pointless but aren’t really animated either. C’est Tourjours La Même Histoire is just ad-worthy graphic design with a French voiceover about going to see a porn film. Cattle Call is stop-motion photography of torn pictures on top of live action. It’s about a cattle auctioneer and is beyond snore inducing. Ultimo Spong Ice is a lame black-and-white music video splashed with paint. Think about the beginnings of MTV; this is like something made five years before that.

I Slept with Cookie Monster and A Letter to Colleen are more like after-school specials on the dangers of teenage promiscuity and alcoholism than anything else. However, the animation is a bit better than most of the offerings. I Slept With Cookie Monster is a fairly interesting collection of color-pencil artwork that is actually appealing until you realize what the story is about. A Letter to Colleen is pen and ink over live-action cinematography and is bordering on brilliant in some spots but, as a whole, is pretty gloomy.

The Comic That Frenches Your Mind is so unbelievably pathetic that I wanted to scream. A mixture of sad scribblings and an irritating voiceover made this film feel like the late-night indulgences of a teenager just learning to draw fueled by way too much coffee.

And since we’re on the subject of self-indulgence, we might as well approach The Mixy Tapes, which is voyeuristic in the worst possible way. The film forces us to listen to the egotistical rantings of a couple young filmmakers about the process of making a film. On screen we are treated to the animated version of these rantings while driving, on the phone and in bars. About halfway through, this is interspersed with some truly sad collage art and photos reminiscent of a high school yearbook.

The Control Master is the story of a superhero, damsel in distress and evil villain animated in a style that’s a cross between a 1950s comic book and a Lichtenstein painting. Although the story is completely unimaginative, the animation is by far the best of the entire bunch, if that says anything.

The weirdest and most confusing of these shorts is Chainsaw. In order to understand this film, you either have to be so obsessed with Frank Sinatra that you know the ins and outs of his breakup with Ava Gardner, or you had to have been around when this tripe was big news. 

The film, clocking in at 24 minutes, tells several intersecting stories that include newsreel footage of Sinatra and Gardner, an animated love story about an Australian couple named Frank and Ava Gardner, a documentary on a prize bull and the bullfighter who loved him and a safety video on how to properly use your chainsaw.

As a whole, the highlights of the fest are not even worthy of cursory consideration. The whole feature is largely populated by self-indulgent filmmakers forcing us to look at their lives and tell them how great they are. Not only is the animation uninspired but the stories are either nauseating or dull.

And don’t let the ads fool you. The animation featured in both the advertisements and the opening credits is not representative of the offerings this year. Apparently, even the people who compiled this selection of “The Best” thought the animation of previous years was better.

If these are the best, the very idea of the worst is horrifying.