Christmas distractions for the Grinch in all of us

Well, it’s finally here. It’s finally arrived in all its horrific, glitzy gore, like some long, lost uncle with a penchant for plaid and farting. It’s knocking loudly, incessantly and there’s nothing anyone can do but grin resolutely and answer the door. Yes, that’s right; Christmas season is once again upon us.

For those who enjoy this time of the year, I tip my cap to you and your delusion. For those who need a little infusion of the spirit, here’s a list of a few distractions you can wrap your fist around and shake in the faces of those who call you grinch. Feliz Navidad.

For those who know the trials of acquiring a BB gun as a kid and the constant refrain of your mother, “But you’ll shoot your eye out,” the Northwest Children’s Theater will be presenting a modern Christmas classic, “A Christmas Story.” Ralphie and his adventures in acquiring the coveted Red Ryder air rifle will play at the Northwest Cultural Center at 7 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays, matinees at 2 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays, Dec.

7-30. There will also be special matinees at 2 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday, Dec. 26 and 27. Tickets are $15 for adults and $10 for youths 14 and under. For more information and tickets call 503-222-4480.

Looking for something a little different? Try the winter solstice celebration put on by The Christmas Revels at the Scottish Rite Theater. This year they’ll be presenting “The Celestial Fools,” a two-hour cornucopia of seasonal music, ritual and traditional dance inspired by 13th-century medieval Europe. The huge cast of 75 performs Fridays and Saturdays at 7:30 p.m. and matinees Saturdays and Sundays at 1 p.m. Nov. 30 through Dec. 9. Tickets are $21 for adults, $15 for students and seniors and $10 for children under 12. For tickets and information call 503-235-3488.

If you’ve had your fill of Peacock Lane and those boats on the river try the more serene Christmas light experience of The Grotto. The Grotto is open nightly Nov. 30 through Dec. 30 from 5 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. and will be closed Christmas day. Tickets are $6 for adults and $3 for children age 3-12. For more information call 503-261-2400.

If the festivities, glad tidings and good cheer have given you a desire for drink there’s the Holiday Ale Festival in Pioneer Courthouse Square. One can nip some Christmas grog from 12 p.m. to 10 p.m. Friday, Nov. 30, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 1 and 12 p.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 2. Cost for to enter the beer menagerie is free but tasting mugs are $3 and it’s $1 per taste.