dada The Street Savage dada

It’s about time we learned something useful in this gigantic schoolhouse of Yawnsville.

Anonymous 1 and 3

Can one of you talk about the classes you’re taking?

A1: I don’t do so well in interviews.

All you have to do is answer questions.

A1: Uh…I could try it.

What are the classes you are taking?

A1: Two-Dimensional Design…uh…uh…uh…Printmaking Intermediate…and Art History.

Do you like the professors?

A1: So far, yeah, Joe Maka is pretty cool.

What’s his name?

A1: Joe Maka.

Jo’ maka what?

A1: Jo maka…uh…I don’t know…jo maka fucks well? Jo maka treated me nice last night?

Would Joe Maka make a good general?

A3: Of what? Like a war general?

Of war.

A1: No.

Why?

A1: ‘Cause he’s too emotional.

War is very emotional.

A1: Yeah, but he wouldn’t want to fight, he likes to interview people on couches.

Do you think he could destroy vast armies by interviewing them on couches?

A1: Nah, he might be able to dismantle their brain a little bit.

Would he be able to dismantle their brain in such a way that they might…fall down and die?

A1: No.

Why?

A3: Because he doesn’t have that much mojo…that much maka…

What’s maka?

A1: It’s like mojo but it’s maka, it’s more on the emotional side.

Do you think he could make them cry with his emotional side?

A1: Yeah.

Do you think he could make them die of sorrow?

A1: No.

Do you think he could train you in the ancient art of making people cry…the death cry?

A1: Maybe not the death cry but he could teach me how to emotionally dismantle people.

Anonymous 2 and 3

How are your classes going?

A2: I haven’t had any yet. I’ve just been working all day.

A3: I don’t know what mine are called…or where they’re at.

Could you make up names for me?

A2: Um…Middle Eastern Bombshell Basket-Weaving Duck-Calling.

A3: And I’m taking Time-Travel for the 21st Century, it’s my Senior Capstone.

Oh, wonderful! Tell me about the professors for these classes.

A2: Mine is like a cute little bug.

Does he talk?

A2: No.

He has to teach, what is his teaching like?

A2: I could describe it in one waaaay…yeah, a bug. I can’t go any more than that.

How does he teach you?

A2: It’s easy, through colonies, making a colony.

I see.

A2: You’re not following me.

Do they form words?

A2: Yes.

OK.

A2: And then they go and kill caterpillars and turn it into green food, which you can take back to the horde…hive…

Horde?

A2: Horde.

A3: Hive!

A2: Hive…colony. They take it back to the colony.

And you learn medieval bomb-making basket-weaving…?

A2: It’s pretty easy.

A3: That sounds like fun.

A2: It’s like a 100-level class.

A3: I should take that one with you, it’s cooler than time travel.

A2: It’s good, because I’m worried about my GPA.

How is your professor?

A3: It’s this crazy mad scientist, but we get to go on a field trip to 2050.

A2: Is that where you hit Jesus in the nuts?

A3: Yeah!

Jesus comes back in 2050?!

A3: I thought everybody knew that.

A2: So that he can kick him in the nuts!

Would you say that…you would, ah…that these professors would make good generals?

A2: Yeah, mine is the soldier ant, not a worker ant.

A3: It’s an ant or a bug?

A2: I was thinkin’ more of a bug-ant.

I know what those are!

A2: You see him all the time! On the streets.

On the streets!

A2: On dogs.

On dogs!

A2: You pick them off of dogs, sometimes the dogs pick them off themselves, sometimes you go to the vet to get them sprayed off the dog. Sometimes you have a collar for the bugs.

A3: Or you could bomb their house too!

A2: Or you could eat a bomb burrito.

Sounds delicious, ‘specially on the battlefield.

A2: Nothing quenches your appetite like a bomb burrito on the bug field.

On the bug of ant…it’s a glorious battle.

A2: Uh hunh, to the death, to Valhalla.

To the Hollow.

A2: Valhalla! Where soldiers go to die, where soldiers ant-bugs go when they die.

I know all about that because I’m Scandinavian.

A2: Me too! I’m from Portugal!

Really? I’m from the…uh…Morocco.

A2: I’m from the Outback!

A3: Those are the two coolest Scandinavian countries anyway, Portugal and Morocco…oh…and Australia!

Antarctica is a good one too! So tell me about this glorious battle the mad scientist will fight in the future.

A3: Yeah, we’re going to go to 2050 to kick Jesus in the balls.

Do you know what your specialty…or, uh…niche will be, like maybe you’ll be a bomb specialist?

A3: I’m just gonna kick really hard when I find him. I’ll look for the guy with the long hair. He’s not white though!

A2: And he’s a woman! But [Anonymous 1] is a good kicker!

A3: I was number one in my kickball team.

So you don’t have to worry about nuts either.

A2: They’ll be the mythical nut kickers.

The mythical nuts?

A2: The theological nuts.

Theoretical-theological nuts.

A2: Yeah…complimentary nuts.

A3: [referring to Anonymous 2’s homemade T-shirt with a felt-TV shape sewed on to it that had various pictures or “channels” in it] Did you see [Anonymous 2]’s TV?

A2: [shows me each channel] First, there’s a squid. Now, there’s a pig being slaughtered. A back of a Polaroid. And finally…wait…oops! [drops a channel] Commercial.

A3: I like the front of the Polaroid!

Yeah, I like that too.

A2: [picks up a channel] It’s a recipe! [I guess it’s some kind of cooking show] It’s a potato salad log!Do you have a channel of your bug professor(s)?

A2: No.

You should get one and I think you’ll get an A!

A2: He’s into that, he’s a little bit vain…I’ll be quite frank.

I’ll be quite Tage, and thank you both for talking to me.

A2: Why thank you.

A3: A pleasure!

A2: Later alligator!

After a while crocodile.