Daily Horoscope

Today’s Birthday (February 24)

Remember that great idea you had last year? Well, you’re not going to do it this year either.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Give up on the new look. No one’s buying it.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Start a family.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

I hear Taurus is looking to start a family. Hook that up.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Let your brilliance enlighten the masses and make sure you reap the financial benefits.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

You should’ve stayed in bed, but since it’s too late, head for McDonald’s

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Selsun Blue. Seriously.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Good karma comes your way.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

A former fling, frustrated by your failure to commit, is hiring an expert assassin to ambush you as go to your car tonight.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Mmmm…bananas and fudge.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Capitalize on the product hinted at by your sign – Capri-sun candy corn. Yummy.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Happiness, health, sex and money. At least you can dream.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Make music.

– Your Psychic Friend at the Vanguard