Today’s Birthday (Nov. 19)
Well happy birthday, you lucky person, you! Turned 21 yet? No? Then it’s not really a happy birthday. How ’bout this: a very merry un-birthday to all who are over 21!
Aries (March 21-April 19)
“Today, you’ve got the touch. You’ve got the power. When all hell’s breaking loose, you’ll be right in the eye of the storm.”
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
“Who in the blue hell are you?”
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
“There is only one master of the ring … and he does not share power.”
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
“You need to take care of your sick friend. M’kay?”
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
“Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? No? Insensitive bastard.”
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
“Larry’s not white, he’s clear.”
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
“Doh!”
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
“No matter what a stripper says, there’s no sex in the champagne room. None.”
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
“I know half of you as much as I like, and I like half of you as much as you deserve.”
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
“She had on those big, ugly granny panties.”
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
“Eddie, why you treat me like animal?”
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
“And I could have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!”
– Your Psychic Friend at the Vanguard