Dil-dos and dil-don’ts: A beginner’s guide to sex toys

When it comes to sex toys, it is important for you to think outside of the box—quite literally. It’s okay to be curious and spontaneous.
However, I would advise you to start small and work your way up, as you would in many aspects of your life. Seriously, though, it takes quite a stiff preparation for the real stuff.

Whatever your choice may be, make it personal; it is for you, after all. Like really personal. Plan a date with it, get curious and break boundaries. Whether you are stressing, playing basketball, doing homework or whatever might occupy your valuable time—a sex toy is your buddy, homie, colleague or what have you. Even if you have to read 50 Shades of Grey prior, just do it—it is only human nature, just without the human!

That being said, these toys can range in nature from category to category. Whether they are vibrators, plugs, lotions, blindfolds or dolls, with the right user (or usage) these can prove to be rather effective…and enjoyable.

For the ladies

The most textbook toy is your run-of-the-mill vibrator. These often rank highest, as they satisfy the innermost needs of women with the most (personal) stimulation. There are a variety of ways for you to use them, it just depends on you and your imagination. Some offer adjustable speeds and durations for the more curious souls.

For example, the Sensual Touch. It’s just under $25—really, what more could you ask for? Not only that, it fits right on the tip of your finger. And whether that warrants a stow-and-go or a sleep-and-creep, again, it is whatever floats your sexual boat; the choice is yours.

You also have your standard dildo. With no batteries required, these tend to be considered one of the building blocks of self-satisfaction equipment. These are not only low maintenance, they’re also discrete and quiet. In addition, when used with your partner they offer the utmost attention to, well, other activities that subsequently follow.

For the adventurous spirit, try the Colossal Dong with Suction Base. Not only does this offer a near 10 inches to work with, it is universal in terms of where it can stick. For the more practical mind, you would think, “Okay, the shower works.” But again, it all depends on your imagination. Get creative—at only $16, it warrants such imagination.

For the gentlemen

Next we move on to the penile equipment. We’ll start with the penis ring. Not only do these allow outstanding pleasure for you, but it also gives to your partner. This gadget allows for dual stimulation and longer-lasting sex because it is meant to increase the duration of an erection. If this is what you are seeking, then by all means, look no further.

The Triple Pleasure Treasure, at only $35, influences many assets of the human body. Because of its triple threat option, it offers an absolute guarantee of the ultimate sexual stimulation for both partners and on all accounts. If you do not believe the professionals, just try it yourself.

Next, there is the penis pump. Whether you’re looking to increase your potential (even if only mentally) or to simply enjoy the way it makes you feel, this is the one for you.

If you are looking for a base model, the Glo-Glo a Go-Go Nuclear Cyber Skin Men’s Stroker meets all of the criteria for under $10! Whatever the occasion may be, a quick one-two with dry hands, or maybe squirt some lotion in there and go wild, it delivers. Like mentioned earlier, you are only human!

For the lone wolves

Finally, sex dolls. For the one who is looking for the individual of his/her dreams, look no further. Love dolls dramatically increase your chances of being romantic with that special someone who either doesn’t know you exist or overlooks you completely. Offered in a variety of shapes, sizes and colors, you will never be disappointed.

The dolls might be your last option on this page, but there are plenty more toys where that comes from.

Once you have a basic understanding of sex toys and their functionality, you must consider whether you are game enough to explore the extent of your human nature and delve in the intricacies of exploring the fun.

And, hey, as much as I encourage sexploration, don’t get too crazy too fast. Take baby steps—especially with the Colossal Dong—or you could end up in urgent care. (Ouch.) Remember: Do have fun. Don’t overdo it. And don’t forget to stretch.

Make it a great day or not, humans. The choice is yours.