Foxy politics

With inordinate amount of attention paid recently to certain, um, inappropriate e-mails sent by Chief Derrick Foxworth, it’s easy to feel like local and international issues have fallen by the wayside in local media. While the sexual impropriety of public officials is one of my favorite subjects, it’s still bothersome to think that dirty e-mails would demand more attention than the state of the world. As a way to remedy this imbalance I have compiled some questions based on recent news, and who better to answer them (via e-mail) than the man of all our attention lately, Mr. Derrick Foxworth – who, strangely enough, seems to have a lot of time on his hands right now.

So, whether or not you’ve been out policing, you couldn’t have missed the protests downtown and throughout the country over the proposed House bill making illegal immigration a felony. What do you think about the bill, fair to U.S. citizens or legislated xenophobia?

We are so much alike and know if given the time and opportunity that we can take each other to another level and area of our sexuality that we both want to explore. Are you available today? This afternoon?

I see what you’re saying, down deep we’re all people, with the same needs and agendas, so we should all work together to make this country great. And it’s true we need to work fast. A major issue in the upcoming elections is of course going to be the war in Iraq. Political careers are going to hinge on their position on U.S. strategies. What do you think, should we stay and finish the job, or pull out before it’s too late?

I want you (sic) to take you upstairs to your bedroom where we would continue, with you sliding down to your knees and me up against the wall.

I see, so you’re saying what we start we should finish. Even if it seems we have nowhere to go, we need to go to the next level in our efforts.  Boy, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has been getting hit hard lately. Half a dozen or so retired generals have called for Rumsfeld’s removal but the secretary and President Bush seem unfazed. It’s a delicate balance, civilian leadership of the military. What’s your position on this grapple for power?

I then unbutton my shirt you can then run your hands over my chest and feel my arms as you take my shirt off to expose my bare chest and rub your hands all over my body – I love a very submissive woman –

So it doesn’t matter that Rumsfeld is a civilian? It’s a matter of letting those in charge keep their authority in tact, showing a united front, trusting they have the right idea. Smart, in an R. Kelly sort of way. Tax season is over, at last, and it looks like Vice President Dick Cheney’s getting close to $2.2 million back in refunds and President Bush is gung-ho to make permanent the tax cuts he passed in 2005. With the country falling deeper into debt and its wealthiest warmongers – err – politicians and businessmen paying less and less into the system, what do you see in the future for the U.S. economy? Is there a depression looming?

I then push you against the wall – and my tongue enters your mouth and I make love to your mouth then I want to make love to your body.

Yeah, you’re right, the middle class is fucked. The amount of money the City of Portland is paying into that gosh darn OHSU tram jumped again to almost $80 million. That’s something like $75 million more than the city initially anticipated. With our public schools in such financial strain does this OHSU carnival ride seem worth the investment for Portland?

When I return I am looking forward to seeing you. I have day dreamed (sic) about walking through your front door and you wearing one of your most sexy special outfits. I then push you against the wall and pin you to the wall.

I look forward to your return as well, chief. I like that you realize how hopeless so many situations are. We so often truly are pinned against a wall. So why not make the best of the situation, make each issue look as nice as possible?