This is the reason we go to college for four-plus years: giftsand a piece of paper saying we have some value beyond being a greatpiece of ass.
It depends how much we’re talking. Nana may still think a ten spotis sufficient, bless her heart, but we’re looking at, at least, ayear-long dry spot in the career market thanks to Bush’s war and aso-so GPA. Someone needs to pony up for the college-educatedbusboys. And we’re talking thousands.
This is odd and very high school. Maybe a gift car is only areality in those holiday Lexus commercials or on Wheel of Fortune,but I think it happens. That whip better come with a gas cardbecause I don’t see pump prices below $2 ever again. Finally, gashas caught up with milk.
Thank you, Hallmark, for all the kind words.
Yep, an entire house. Oh, you’ll take over mortgage payments fromPops eventually. It may be in a neighborhood where bathtubs seemore crank and crack than butt crack, but it’ll be all yours and areal fixer-upper.
A trip to Europe
This is actually a good idea, or it was before George W. You’llneed at least a month and a couple grand or a credit card. Stay outof England unless you love rain and going broke, Paris can beover-rated and Eastern Europe is cold.
Go straight to Spain and/or Italy. Meet some non-sketchy localsand rent a scooter. Most importantly, when you come back to theStates, don’t try to tell everyone how fucked up the United Statesis and how you’re moving to Florence/Barcelona/Nice etc. We know itis, you’re not moving, and that’s terribly annoying.
This is what I expect. The longer it takes you to graduate, theless you can expect in gifts. I should be buying gifts for myfamily at this point. Our culture is overly gifted already:Christmas, Chanukah, birthdays, weddings, showers, graduations,anniversaries, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, First Communions and parole. Ionce received a He-Man figure for finally learning to wipe my ass.I deserve nothing.