Hop to it!

I was going to do a real heavy article this week – something that would deal with, war, tsunamis, death and destruction. But then I thought, "Where’s the fun in that?" Doing a column like that was just going to bring me down, and you as well. So instead of some jibber-jabber about people in far away lands, I present to you … bunnies!

They’re fun, they’re cute and most importantly they’re harmless! Harmless is just what we need around here. Something to make us feel good. After all, isn’t that what our worldview is all about? Feeling good? The heck with the facts, who cares about facts when we have bunnies!

Look at the picture of the bunny, isn’t he cute? I think he is. If we look at the bunny instead of think, we all come to realize that war never solved anything. Except for the evils of Nazi Germany. War never did any good except stop the senseless slaughter of Jews in Europe.

What’s that, Mr. Bunny? Why you’re right, Israel is just another imperialistic empire oppressing the poor, desperate suicide-bombing Palestinians. So I guess we shouldn’t have participated in WWII. After all, Germany never attacked us. And heck, Mr. Bunny, there was no evidence that those nice German people had anything to do with Pearl Harbor.

Gosh, I guess you were right Mr. Bunny, war is always evil. Now I see. Saving all those Jews in WWII just made them pawns of the evil autocratic imperialistic war mongering Americans. So war just made more problems. Listen to the bunny, kids, he is wise in the ways of foreign affairs. He also has a cute little nose.

The bunny hates George W. Bush, just like all of us. He told me so. Isn’t he a nice bunny? The bunny says to only surround ourselves with other bunnies that think exactly like we do, that way our shallow, immature worldview is never challenged. Listen to the bunny; he is wise in the ways of politics, too. Is there nothing the bunny doesn’t know? Did you see his floppy ears? They are so cute!

The bunny hates people who talk about morality. He hates Christians because they want to impose their morality on others. That’s just wrong. The bunny hates all those mean Christians so he wants to impose his morality on them.

Then they will be just like the bunny, and then they can all be friends. The bunny says we shouldn’t have friends who think different from us. He says it’s dangerous. Isn’t that great! The bunny has big soft eyes.

The bunny hates Republicans. He told me so. He says those Republicans are being hateful and closed-minded. The bunny says it’s all right to be closed-minded when it comes to listening to Republicans, they don’t know anything anyway. They’re stupid, the bunny said so. It’s all right to hate Republicans because hate is never a family value, unless it’s directed at a Republican. Then it’s really good. The bunny has big feet. He uses them to hop up and down at cultural diversity parties.

The bunny needs to hop away now. So that he can go get his nose and face pierced, and get a socially acceptable tattoo. Maybe a "tribal" armband or some other kind. The bunny wants to be an individual. He wants to march to the beat of a different drummer. Just like all the other bunnies. Let’s all wave good-bye to the bunny now.

Goodbye little bunny, we had a lot of fun with you not challenging our hatred for other people we have never talked to but look down upon with derision and hatred just because they have a different view from us. Thank goodness we’ve almost completely silenced those Republicans on our campus.

Mr. Bunny, could you imagine the damage they could do if we let them practice their beliefs, and tolerated them? It scares me a lot to think that there are people who don’t agree with me, Mr. Bunny.

What’s that? Oh, you’ll shelter me and keep me from seeing both sides of the issues? Oh thank you, Mr. Bunny, thank you so much!

Jason Germany can be reached at [email protected].