Aquarius
January 20-February 18
Otters often hold hands so they don’t float away from each other while sleeping. You could use that comfort this week too. Reach out and touch somebody today.
Pisces
February 20-March 19
This week is going to happen one of two ways for you. One: armadillo roadkill, and you’re not driving the car. Two: a skunk noticed by a curious child. Pick one.
Aries
March 21-April 19
Just remember to always “bee” yourself and life will be as sweet as honey, even if other people think you’re odd. Especially if people think you’re odd.
Taurus
April 20-May 20
In the zoo of life, you probably often feel like a parrot. No respect and people stare at you all day long, waiting for you to do what they expect. You can still rise above it all, though.
Gemini
May 21-June 20
Your spirit animal for this week is the penguin. Nurturing, playful and downright cute, you’re definitely having a nice week at, or making yourself, a nice little home.
Cancer
June 21-July 22
Did you know hippos are one of the most feared animals, Cancer? They are protective, muscular and generally very territorial. Sound like anyone we know?
Leo
July 23-August 22
You’re not giving me the lion vibe this week, Leo. You remind me more of a captive koala, taking those 18-hour naps. Maybe you’re overworking yourself a little.
Virgo
August 23-September 22
Dear Virgo, this week you’re definitely more of a viper than anything else. You’re ready to strike and you’re not looking to make new acquaintances. Just remember, there are always anti-venoms out there, even when you strike your hardest.
Libra
September 23- October 22
This week, just think flamingo. Travel in a pack with people just like yourself for protection and because it’s fun to be with people like yourself. And wear more pink.
Scorpio
October 23-November 21
My faithful little scorpion, this week you’re going to feel trapped like a mosquito in amber. It’s just cabin fever, though. It’ll go away soon enough.
Sagittarius
November 22- December 21
They could make a show about your life this week, Sagi! You’re having a dramatic and yet adorable week à la Meerkat Manor. What? You’re not watching Meerkat Manor? Well, you should be.
Capricorn
December 22-January 19
It’s shark week, dearest Capricorn. Too bad you’re actually a surfer that was just spotted waiting for a wave. I hope you didn’t need that arm for anything!
