Everyone has a story, and it is always worse than yours. So, bear with me. I have no doubt in my mind that during the most recent earthquake, you were not only caught by surprise while going to the bathroom but quite possibly eight-and-a-half months pregnant and sent into early labor with no possibility of reaching a hospital because you were trapped in an elevator with a non-bather. It may also be that you were in the middle of the best sex of your life only to be caught by surprise when the earth moved … literally. Oh, it’s funny because it’s true.
My story will no doubt be as anticlimactic as the new Madonna movie. However, I will relay it in hopes of helping others in the future.
We all know that Lincoln Hall is the oldest building on campus. It is also clearly not earthquake proof. So, while sitting in my English history class, taught by the lovely and talented professor Caroline Litzenberger, I was knocked out of a great daydream involving being at home in my pajamas watching massive amounts of television because it felt as though a large truck was driving by the building causing it to shake.
Since we were all mesmerized by the lecture, it took us a while to realize that the shaking was in fact an earthquake. So, instead of being a bunch of sissies and running out of the class, we looked around and said to each other, “I think it may be an earthquake.” Then, because we felt it necessary to make sure before behaving like the previously stated sissies we were not, we sat a while longer and contemplated the possibility that we were experiencing a natural disaster. “It must be an earthquake because it just keeps going.” “Yes, it must be.”
Needless to say, the whole earthquake business was well under way and nearing a close when we finally decided what it was.
So, all of you out there with your “horror” stories and “scathing emotional damage” from said earthquake should really try a little harder to not be such babies. But, if you really want to be safe, you should try to have all of your classes in the Urban Center or hang out in Parking Structure Three for the rest of the school year.
Take it from someone who has been there and remember that just because we have an earthquake, it doesn’t mean that school is going to get canceled or that anyone cares where you were.