Yesterday morning at five a.m. something absolutely ordinary occurred in Clackamas: a national business that has generated high revenue expanded into a new market. Yet strangely enough, they opened their doors to be hoarded by an unruly mob that had camped on the streets the night before, not to mention the competing attention of every local television news network and newspaper. News vans lined the streets; helicopters roamed the early morning skies circling the new location as if it were a ten-car pile-up or a bridge clogged with protesters, while the unruly mob became hungry.
Yes all of this commotion was about food. Not nutritious food high in fiber, or a summit on the Atkins diet, but a well-organized, yet intentionally chaotic welcome for the first Oregon franchise of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. You may have heard of them…
We at the Vanguard first heard officially of Krispy Kreme doughnuts last year when we began to receive press releases from the doughnut behemoth, about a year before a store had even opened in Oregon, let alone around the Portland State campus. And our first thoughts were: why is a company sending a college newspaper press releases regarding the groundbreaking of a new doughnut shop. Taco Bell doesn’t send us press releases every time they break ground on a new Chalupa factory, so what is the deal with these doughnuts and why do rational, socially normalized citizens become ravenous at the mere mention of the infamous double-K?
That may be a question that will never be answered since as of last night all that the local media seems to be interested in doing is lending Krispy Kreme free promotional space on the front pages and 11 o’clock headlines around town. Even we are guilty of the sin of letting the hype of this ludicrous situation plague our front page. Krispy Kreme seems to have accomplished the inevitable: free P.R masquerading as news, one of the most insulting things a news organization can levy against its audience.
What doughnut is so sweet that it can deep-fry journalistic integrity without even giving up some dough? Well we had a chance to find out since Krispy Kreme was nice enough to hand over two boxes of doughnuts free to the Vanguard staff, since we are “media”.
Editorial Rundown of the Krispy Kreme doughnut:
Dan: They wouldn’t be good without the hype.
Matt: I like a little more meat on my doughnut.
Nikki: I thought it would be bigger.
Christian: They were really just too wet.
Ryan: I’ll eat anything that’s free.
Sara: Better than any doughnuts my mom ever made.
Gregory: Quite bad, no substance.
Amy: What’s the deal with these Krispy Kreme doughnuts? (As Jerry Seinfeld).