Little books, big albums

You know those tortured kids in high school who would sit in the back of class and mumble to themselves about how much they hate you, hate school, hate their parents, hate everything?

You either rightfully ignored them and went about your business, or you were one of them and now look back with awe at how ridiculously you acted when your hormones were on a rampage.

The latest installment of 33 1/3, an ongoing music-criticism book series that examines seminal rock albums, takes a look at Black Sabbath’s Master of Reality. Its author, John Darnielle of Decibel magazine and Mountain Goats fame, gives us 101 pages of fictional diaries from a 15-year-old kid just like that one in high school who happens to be locked away in a teenage psychiatric center.

The prose is painful–but not in the way the author wants it to be. There is nothing here that gives us any deep looks at Sabbath or what that album means on a larger level. It’s not even a real criticism of mental institutions. We can’t learn from the main character’s pain. It just makes us want to return the book and get our money back.

Imagine the Suicidal Tendencies song “Institutionalized” in book form, but instead of the elusive Pepsi in the song, the main (and only) character in John Darnielle’s tome just wants his Master of Reality tape back.

“Institutionalized” is three minutes and 50 seconds of thrashy punk, but the book contains pages and pages of boring, trite and obvious statements, like “Why can’t I have my shoes, fuck you guys! ALL OF YOU, FUCK OFF AND DIE!!! GO TO HELL!!!” or “So I am confused and sad and VERY ANGRY…” Needless to say, the brevity of Suicidal Tendencies is infinitely preferable.

What’s really sad about this 57th book in the previously blameless 33 1/3 series (it’s labeled #56 since book on 69 Love Songs by The Magnetic Fields already took #69) is that it could have been great. Fiction as music criticism is an unused device that could really work-just not here.

Still, the Sabbath book is only a slight blotch on the 33 1/3 resume. The series that started quietly five years ago with a short book examining Dusty in Memphis by Dusty Springfield has since become the book series for relevant music criticism, giving short bursts of analysis, interviews and track-by-track looks at some of the greatest albums of all time.

The series has drawn musicians and writers from major magazines to its cause, all eager to share their passion for the albums that shaped their lives. Editions like Dan LeRoy’s insightful examination of Paul’s Boutique by the Beastie Boys (#30) and Sam Inglis’ history lesson on Neil Young’s Harvest (#3) are exactly what great music criticism is made of.

Upcoming books in the series show that while it may have wobbled a bit with Master of Reality, 33 1/3 won’t derail anytime soon. Books set for release in 2008-09 include a close look at the making of the Slayer’s metal masterpiece Reign in Blood, Public Enemy’s rap milestone It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back and a book on Elliott Smith’s much-beloved XO.

What makes the 33 1/3 series great is that it gives music geeks and fans in general exactly what they want. A common feature of many of the books is the track-by-track analysis of these revolutionary albums. No more waiting for magazine retrospectives on your favorite albums or digging through thick books on the history of rock to find those tidbits you desire. With 33 1/3, you learn everything you want to know about your favorite albums–and more.

So, while Master of Reality was an effort to branch out the series in a new direction, it ultimately fails. This doesn’t mean the publishers shouldn’t try it again. They should just remember that ignoring true insights into significant albums in favor of melodrama will never work.

Now, where’s my Pepsi?

33 1/3: Master of Reality* (out of 5)Price: $10.95