How to be there for a friend in
Depression is no laughing matter. Suicide rates are high, and it’s hard to tell when they’ll go back down.
In an ideal society, no one would even contemplate suicide. But as everyone knows, we don’t live in an ideal society. This is a very real issue that demands serious attention.
There is no shortage of that attention here at PSU. Students who need help have many avenues available to them both on campus and off. And for those who think a friend might be depressed or suicidal, you are not helpless. There are ways of recognizing signs that someone may be considering suicide. And there are ways that you can help.
Chances are, you know someone who has considered or is considering suicide. One in ten students report contemplating suicide while in college. Signs that someone you care about might be this one in ten are subtle, but you can spot them.
Remember, though: someone showing these signs might not be considering suicide. These are things to look out for—not proof.
First: expressions of hopelessness. This is the most common. Phrases such as “you’d be better off without me,” or “I can’t see myself doing anything next year,” tend to be indicators that someone is overwhelmed or depressed. It’s tempting to blow these off, but they should not be ignored.
Second: risk-taking behavior. Excessive drinking or drug use where someone was previously responsible about their use of these substances could be an indicator. Another could be something as simple as speeding when she used to be careful. Be on the lookout for your friend doing anything that seems more daring than what she usually does.
Third: sudden changes in demeanor. Many people are relieved when a friend who’s been seeming down lately suddenly perks up, but don’t be fooled. Sometimes, making the decision to kill one’s self or coming up with a plan for it can lead to a huge release of stress. The person can feel at peace with herself and the world, and she might seem happy for awhile. But sudden changes like these should be regarded with caution.
Fourth: giving away prized possessions. Don’t be so jubilant when a friend offers you his precious Atari, no matter how much you’ve coveted it. Instead, consider why he might be giving it away. Why would he want to be rid of something he’s had for two decades when he’s loved it more than anything else? Be on the lookout for this.
If you see a friend showing any of these behaviors (or other ones that just strike you as “off”), it’s important for you to try to help. Trust your instincts and remember that you care about this person.
Much of the time, you can help by engaging and listening to your friend. Ask point blank if necessary—there is no evidence that bringing up suicide will inspire someone to attempt it. Something as simple as, “I’m worried about you. Are you okay?” or “You haven’t been yourself lately, and I’m worried. Are you considering suicide?” can let your friend know you’re there for him.
Don’t swear yourself to secrecy or try to counsel a suicidal friend yourself. Talk, listen and get your friend professional help if necessary. Try to form a safety net for him, and do not judge him for what he’s going through or the thoughts he’s having.
As a friend—and a fellow human being—it’s important to be there for someone you care about, through thick and thin. And if you are depressed or considering suicide yourself, talk to your friends and loved ones. You are not alone, no matter how much it might feel otherwise.
