On a magic carpet ride

I remember this one dream where I was at like a racquetball court with the cast of Three’s Company and the pig-men from Jabba the Hut’s Palace, it was scary.


Here are some more dreams.


Anonymous 1

What was the last dream you had?


Um – (pauses to ponder while smacking lips) – I had a really good dream a couple of weeks ago. I had a dream that I was a whale, like an orca. I saw this other whale, he was really cute, but we had like human faces – that’s how I knew he was cute because I don’t really know what makes a whale cute – and we’re like swimming in the ocean and I’m like, “Oh my Gosh, let’s go to the mall!”


So you walked into the mall?


Yeah, well, we didn’t walk into the mall, we’re whales and we swam into an underwater mall and do you know what we bought?


What did you buy?


T-shirts, like those touristy t-shirts that say “Portland” with whales on them and then we put them on and swam away.



Anonymous 2

What was the last dream you had or remembered?


I’ve had dreams with Power Rangers.


OK. I want to hear about Power Rangers.


We were – what were we doing? We were somehow driving in this car and we were trying to catch these bad guys because they kidnapped this lady and we were all Power Rangers. And the bad guys were on the truck trying to get in.


Which Power Ranger were you?


I was the pink one. Which is horrible cuz I freakin’ hate pink! So I don’t know why the hell I was the pink one. There was a part where the bad guy was like dragging the lady he’d kidnapped by the hair and then we were in a swamp and I fell down the hill, and then I wasn’t a Power Ranger any more. Then I had to like climb up the hill by this vine thing and then I woke up. But Power Rangers, yeah. I don’t know cuz I hate the Power Rangers.


Don’t go Power Rangers!


(Laughs.) I don’t know why – but we were freakin’ Power Rangers.



Anonymous 3

Do you have a dream that you had recently that you would like to share?

No, not really – so if there’s a different topic –


Well, no, it’s just dreams. Do you have any daydreams?


I totally daydream.


What do you daydream about?


I usually daydream about not being in the position I am in now – like you know, president of the United States, a rockstar, rap battles, flying – flying is awesome, if I could be my favorite super hero. I mostly daydream about having a lot of leisure, cuz I don’t have a lot of leisure.


What kind of leisure?


Leisure, like right now is leisure. Chillin’ out in the park blocks.


So you daydream about chilling out in the park blocks?


When I’m in the office, yes, which is kind of lame.


Let’s daydream right now, let’s say a magic carpet ends up right there –


So I grab some peeps, right?


Well, it’s a small magic carpet –


So, how many people can fit on this magic carpet?


I’d say it’s a three by five magic carpet.


You could fit at least four people on that. How fast can it go?


As fast as you want, like as fast as lightning, or at the speed of light – well lightning goes at the speed of light –


How would I control it?


By grabbing it by its ends and like steering it.


That seems pretty tenuous there.


And if you want to go up, you pull up.


I’d drive, I’d take this girl and you, and then that guy playing guitar (motions to some guy who was playing an awful version of “All Apologies” earlier), since it would be a musical carpet ride.


I don’t think you’d want to take him, because if we took him I’d probably throw him off the carpet.


That’s fine, that’s your prerogative, I don’t mind cuz like I’m driving so I won’t even notice that you push him over. I would just hear someone scream.


Where would we go?


I’d probably go fly around P-town, say hi to people downtown, then I’d probably head up to the Gorge.


The Gorge? But you could go anywhere? There are more creative places you could go. You could go to like Kathmandu, you could go to Sao Paulo –


That’s a long travel though.


Yeah, but you could go at any speed you want, like we could be there – *snaps fingers* – like that!




So we would go to Gay Paree?!


Pick up some cabarets – um – Sound of Music? Where was that from, Scotland?


No, it was Austria.


Austria? Shit, are you sure?


It may have been filmed in Scotland, but they were Austrian.


Right, but the gorgeous view of the mountains was Scotland. Where was The Lord of the Rings shot?


New Zealand. I can dig it!


We’ll find some trolls ‘n’ shit.


Well, actually I think that trolls would be like mammals but the only mammals on New Zealand are humans, there are only birds.


I don’t really like birds, you can’t pet them. Caribbean? Let’s go to the Caribbean! Jamaica! Yeah, we’ll check out the scene, pick up some CDs.


Yeah, totally, we’ll do some toasting like “JAH RASTIFARI – IM BE DA MASTA – HAILE SELLASIE I IS MY SAVYA”


Yah, mon, we be jammin’. You might win a few local rap battles.


Yeah – uh no, I’d lose.


You’d probably get your assed kicked. So we’d have to fly to a special medical operation of some sort.


Cuba! It’s right near there and they have the best doctors.


We’ll fix you up and grab some cigars.


We’ll grab some cigars and then we’ll go home. Sound good?


Well, can I swing by to say hi to my mom? She lives in Wisconson, so –


Okay, no problem. Yeah, let’s do that.