Sean Howard Boggs

:Oh boy, I just couldn’t wait to get outside and play in the 40 degree, rainy weather. I even got to wear a jacket! Gosh darn, did I have some fun. Did you? Do you even remember what you did at all? What do the drunks always say, “The less you can remember, the more fun you had.” Well, I ain’t no alcoholic, so here is my spring break statement, “If I remember anything from last week, may a semi-truck run over my face.”

Yeah, that about sums it all right up.

So, did you have fun? Where did you go?

Okay, enough with the questions, a few words about my break.

Every few years or so, I am treated to a great spring break. One year I got my license and another year, there was a big ol’ earthquake. I have noticed that most of the time, nothing ever happens to me. I hate vacations, I always want to stay in the hotel room, I hate hot weather, sun-screen makes me nauseous and I hate spring-time in general. I am allergic to damn near everything that blooms. Because of this I can’t really go anywhere, or do anything.

Over last week, which, if the mood was set by the weather, I would say that I had a partially cloudy, rainy and windy week. There were, however, a few sunny moments, I bought a new record, and thought about getting a Mohawk, but most of the time there was nothing good on the TV.

I sat around all break, watching skin cancer patients run around on MTV with a DJ in the back. I have never understood how the DJ’s records don’t melt. I once left a record in my car for five minutes and it was liquid when I returned.

When I got tired of, well, doing nothing, I would usually rotate to my other side and watch the Food Network. Because of this channel, I tried two new foods: an eggplant tomato and pigeon. I now will only drink water because my taste buds have been killed. I have officially decided that the fancier the food, the more I’d rather eat used cat litter.

So, I’m puking up tomato covered pigeon, when I hear on the news that it’s getting ever so close to Easter. This reminds me that my mother’s birthday is coming up. I always forget about her birthday, so, when I am lucky to remember it, I still forget a few hours later.

But, lucky me, my girlfriend bought her two gifts, one from herself, and the other, (wink, wink) from me.

So, problem solved.

The Pepto-Bismol was starting to kick in right when I looked outside into the beautiful gray sky. I thought I saw some sun, this inevitably ushered in my unwelcome spring guest.

Every year, a bipolar little bird, repeatedly flies directly into my front window – every five minutes, 10 hours a day. It continues this throughout the beginning of spring no matter what I do. I have put up cardboard, pictures of owls and last year I cut down most of the damn tree. But Mother Nature enjoys giving Sean this traumatic experience, and lets the tree continue growing. So, the bird is back.

Thwack. Thwack.

This is all I hear. If the pigeon I ate earlier in the week wasn’t still rising out of my throat, I would shoot that stupid bird and eat the thing just to get some peace and quiet. But, I can’t, and I won’t.

So, did you have a fun break?