Slut shaming has got to stop

Thanks to Mean Girls, I was 10 years old the first time I heard the word slut. My parents were overwhelmingly protective when it came to PG-13 movies and tried to shield me from any risqué material that might taint my worldview. However, their task became impossible once I entered the pre-teen world of sleepovers. Although Regina George is to blame when it comes to my expanded vocabulary, she’s not the only one to blame for shaming female sexuality.

Throughout middle school and high school, I watched my female peers continuously put-down, punished and targeted for the way they expressed their sexuality. This hatred came from boys and even other girls. Almost everyone had something to say about the girl who was having sex. And they weren’t nice things, either.

Girls labelled as sluts, even in high school, often have a hard time redeeming themselves, no matter how hard they try or the truth of the situation that brought on the label. Although most of us have grown up and fallen away from our shallow high school values, there’s still a lot of negativity regarding a woman and her sexuality.

After seeing how girls were treated, what society implies and how people react, I’ve became extremely cautious and self-aware of how I present myself. I want to make sure whatever I do, what I wear and what I say makes me appear virtuous, clean, and respectable.

Here’s the good news though, a self-redeeming and reassuring fact I discovered when I realized that it was society, not myself, that had things backwards: having sex does not make me a slut. It does not make me wrong or bad. It does not make me loose or nasty. It does not even make me sleazy or dirty. Slut-shaming, however, makes you the worst of the worst.

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a slut is defined as “a promiscuous woman; especially: a prostitute” or “a saucy girl.” Somehow, that’s not exact picture society has painted in our minds when we hear the word. We imagine something much worse, much naughtier and much more risqué. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines promiscuous as “not restricted to one class, sort, or person” and if that’s the case, all of us are sluts. And we’re sluts for a lot of things.

Here’s the bottom line: my sex-life is none of my classmates’ businesses, none of his business, none of her business and none of your business. It’s only mine. Because surprisingly enough, my sex life doesn’t affect anybody else but me, myself and I. It’s almost ridiculous to think that anybody else would care so much.

If I’m not sleeping with you, why should it matter to you? What I do and who I do, is none of your business.

Our society has created a double-standard when it comes to gender and sexuality, which has given all the power and acceptance to men when it comes to sex. If a guy boasts and brags about all the different girls he’s sleeping with or has slept with in the past, it’s joked about and responded to with a simple “oh man, whatta player!” response. We don’t ever stop to taunt him about his many sexual partners, the amount of sex he’s having or how much he may be getting around. Yet if a girl were to do the same thing, she’s cast aside and labeled a slut.

In reality, it’s the same damn thing. If you’re going to call me a slut, you better call him one, too.

Not only does slut-shaming need to stop, but society needs to realize that judging women and labeling them as a slut purely because of their clothing (or lack thereof) is just as wrong and degrading as labeling them based on their actions. A woman should not be defined by what she wears. Condemning me for my appearance not only discredits me, but also allows others to assume who I am, how I am going to act, or whether my clothes mean I’m asking for it.

I’m not asking for anyone’s opinion, judgments or preconceived notions and I’m especially not asking for society to condemn me as a slut.

I’m only asking to be respected; for all women to be respected, no matter what we do, what we wear or how we choose to act. I’m asking to be left alone so I can decide for myself how I’ll express my sexuality; without experiencing back-lash when I do so.

It’s sad that our society spends so much time deciding who is a slut, what defines a slut, and it’s disheartening to know that something like that even matters. Slut-shaming needs to stop. In the famous words of John Green: “Who even gives a fuck about sex?! People act like it’s the most important thing humans do, but come on. . . You know what’s important? Who would you die for? Who do you wake up at five forty-five in the morning for even though you don’t even know why he needs you?”

Maybe we should be worrying more about those things instead.