Snark Attack

Would a make-out party sponsored by your student government interest you? Good! ASPSU is putting on this awesome vortex of debauchery Friday night! News of this event has been floating around MySpace this week. Apparently, former SFC member Angela Leonardo is in a bind after her stipend got cut and now her fellow ASPSUers are rallying around her the only way they know how–a fundraising party.

Would a make-out party sponsored by your student government interest you? Good! ASPSU is putting on this awesome vortex of debauchery Friday night! News of this event has been floating around MySpace this week. Apparently, former SFC member Angela Leonardo is in a bind after her stipend got cut and now her fellow ASPSUers are rallying around her the only way they know how–a fundraising party. Student government types will be on hand to lock lips with whoever has the cash to help out.

Why you should care: Have a lonely Valentine’s Day? This is the cure.

The U.S. government is making accusations that Iran is supplying weapons to Iraq, and that al-Qaida operatives are hiding out in Iran. Dubya has even gone so far as to say that we will “seek out and destroy the networks providing advanced weaponry and training to our enemies in Iraq.” And of course, Iran is suspected of developing nuclear weapons. Some feel that Georgie and company are trying to pressure the American public into supporting another war in the Middle East.

Why you should care: Wow, is that a draft I feel? Someone should close a window or something. Seriously, if you’re between the ages of 18 and…let’s say 50, you should look into getting Canadian citizenship. Or Swiss. Aren’t they neutral?

Housing officials announced this week that a possible rent increase of 3 percent is being considered for next year. This rent increase is down from last year’s, when rent was raised by 9 percent. The proposal would also change the way students are charged for having a roommate, making it more expensive to split the rent.

Why you should care: Well this one’s pretty obvious, but maybe it isn’t clear to some: MONEY, MONEY, MONEY. Also, as most people don’t tell the housing office when they have a roommate now, next year should see a startlingly large number of single residents.

Fox News, bearer of Republican talking points and vitriolic idiots, has decided to air their own political satire show. Based around the concept of The Daily Show but aimed at conservatives, The 1/2 Hour News Hour promises to make even Dennis Miller seem funny (he’s not).

Why you should care: You shouldn’t, that is unless you really, really like canned laughter. The two-minute clip now available online showcases more fake laughter than a Will and Grace episode.

In other Tee-vee news, MTV has canceled TRL! Oh, no! How are America’s youth going to learn about democracy now? And where are 15-year-old girls going to scream for tomorrow’s pop stars? This is pretty much the end of life as we know it.

Why you should care: Besides the aforementioned civic tragedy, this means that MTV is probably going to make another reality show. It will likely be about “hot singles” getting rowdy in a hot tub. This seems awesome in principle, but the execution will fail, badly.

Freak of the week: 23-year-old Tiffany Sutton isn’t a bad-looking girl. So when she offered a male friend of hers some sexual affection and tied him to a chair, he was probably pleased to be getting his kink on. Things took a markedly unpleasant turn when she confessed her love of drinking blood and started stabbing her male companion, who escaped his bonds only to be chased by a pickaxe-wielding Sutton before calling a friend for help and then finally collapsing in a pool of his own blood. Sutton claims the experience was consensual, and reports indicate that the parties involved are not in a romantic relationship. Happy Valentines Day, indeed.