The Grammar Grouch

It’s a great sports season, although it seems to bring out the worst in fans when it comes to grammar. It goes beyond the Portland State Clown College Bozos: Apparently, they’ve discovered the Internet and are spreading their bad grammatical influence across worldwide networks.

Miserable punctuation aside, the virtual Bozos just love misspelling even the simplest of words on Twitter, Facebook and various sports blogs. The most egregious example of this I’ve seen is the remonstrance expressed when a Bozo’s team loses a game.

Yes, loses. Not “looses,” as those damn Bozos insist on referring to a team’s failure to win. That single extra letter wholly changes the dynamic of the word, you dunces! There’s a pretty friggin’ big difference between losing—as in, not winning—and loosing—as in, to lessen the pressure.

Now, it’s appropriate to say that the Orlando Magic lost their grip on the NBA’s Eastern Conference Finals, which, I suppose, could be called “loosing.” However, the three games that the Boston Celtics won means the Magic are losing their current playoff series. Get it right, Bozos. Or at least stay the hell off the Internet—jocks get a rep for being dumb, but at least they know how to spell better than the idiots who call themselves fans. I mean, how much of a fan are you, really, if you can’t even spell correctly when discussing your favorite team? Hardly one at all, methinks.

I’ve got an idea that might help: The next time one of you Bozos wants to write online about sports, find a dictionary and have someone nearby bash your noggin with it. Maybe, just maybe, the physical abuse will end your spelling and grammatical abuse—at the very least, you’ll tear up a bit, and the Grouch smiles inside to think that somewhere, a Bozo is weeping.