The Grammar Grouch: Ellipsis

Another week, another round of grammatical failure for you Portland State Clown College Bozos. This week, I’m going to discuss the ellipsis, or “dot-dot-dot” in Bozospeak.

Because most of your sub-functional brains are so soaked with MTV, Internet jargon and a desire to text message, I feel my job is done if I reach just one Bozo. The simple fact is that most of you attend PSCC because you’re just not smart enough to thrive in the real world, where most people (as in, adults who aren’t your parents or professors) will pay no attention to your résumé because of your dismal grammar.

The few among you who know what the hell you’re doing are aware that an ellipsis is meant to indicate an omission of speech (or in mathematical notation, to truncate a series of figures—sorry Bozos, for overloading your brain and causing that nosebleed). It can also be used to indicate an incomplete thought, but only sparingly.

Otherwise, your readers will assume you rarely finish your thoughts out loud and can’t even do so when you write—actually Bozos, that might be true of you, so go for it! Abuse those ellipses! No one’s ever going to take you seriously anyhow.

We’re three weeks into the Grammar Grouch and have begun hosting the column on our Web site. If you think I’m just a cruel, elitist grammarian (Bozospeak: Grammar prick), find the Grouch online and comment on how offensive you find me or let me know if you’re benefiting from my ongoing attempt to spare Bozos the embarrassment they feel every time points are taken away from their papers for poor grammar. Either way, read the Grouch next week for a fresh helping of advice and insults!