The Week in Rock

These days, it’s the hip thing among twentysomethings to have a go at the Rolling Stones for being “too old to rock ‘n’ roll.” Well, let me tell you a couple things. These guys were rockin’ while you were still crapping your pants, you burnout hipsters! And the fact that they can still even tour with the energy that they do? You better hope that after sitting on your ass in the Shanghai Tunnel drinking PBR for 40 years, you can even get up the will and energy to dis on the Stones, let alone put on raucous world tours like they do. Why, just this week they stirred things up in San Francisco and incited numerous noise complaints with their neighborhood-shaking show at SBC Park. "Just because they’re too old to hear their music doesn’t mean [it] has to be so loud," said whiny, anti-rock ‘n’ roll resident Ted Weinstein. Windows and doors were rattling all over the area, prompting park authorities to consider using decibel monitors in the future, but the Stones were already gone and the damage had been done. So next time your greasy-haired mates start to lay into the Rolling Stones, just hep them to the group’s accomplishments, or better yet, direct them to this article for a good straightening out.

Japanese rock ‘n’ roll combo Guitar Wolf is back in the saddle after acquiring a replacement for former Bass Wolf Hideaki Sekiguchi, who died with little warning earlier this year. The strangely named UG will be filling Sekiguchi’s shoes and allowing the group to continue touring and recording. This will be the first lineup change they have gone through in their 20-odd years of existence, but despite this potential pitfall hopes are high in the camp of Guitar Wolf. "[UG is] this 19-year-old hooligan who had never picked up a bass before he joined the band," said Billy Nord, of the band’s U.S. label Narnack. "He’s going to add a whole new element to their sound. It’s going to be a lot more raw." To celebrate, Guitar Wolf will be releasing Golden Black, a greatest hits collection. If you’ve read this far and have no idea who Guitar Wolf is, just go to the video store and rent their movie, “Wild Zero.” This film features space aliens, zombies, lightning-shooting guitars and of course lots of rock ‘n’ roll, which should give you some kind of idea of what page this band is on. It’s almost too much to handle in one sitting.

After years of finger-wagging and legal threats, it looks like the record industry might finally end up with its foot landed firmly in its mouth. Unless, of course, you remember a couple years ago when the RIAA actually hacked into unsuspecting saps’ computers to check for copyrighted material. That incident didn’t really turn into much, even though I wrote a scathing expose of industry corruption shortly thereafter. Didn’t you guys read that? I didn’t always just write this gossip column, you know. Anyways, music giant Sony BMG was busted and dragged into court for a class-action suit which alleges that the label’s anti-piracy software was going a little bit too far. Namely, the copy-protected disc installs a hidden program called a “rootkit,” similar to the spyware you’re probably familiar with already. This program keeps track of the user’s activities and uses up a ton of resources, and has lead to crashes and damage to people’s hard discs as well. Although the label has promised to stop putting the malicious program on future CDs, millions on store shelves still feature the software and will not be recalled. Here is an abridged list of the culprits, courtesy of Sony BMG:

Trey Anastasio, Shine
Celine Dion, On Ne Change Pas
Neil Diamond, 12 Songs
Our Lady Peace, Healthy in Paranoid Times
Van Zant, Get Right With the Man
Switchfoot, Nothing Is Sound
The Coral, The Invisible Invasion
Acceptance, Phantoms
Susie Suh, Susie Suh
Amerie, Touch
The Bad Plus, Suspicious Activity
The Dead 60s, The Dead 60s
Natasha Bedingfield, Unwritten
Ricky Martin, Life
My Morning Jacket, Z
Santana, All That I Am
Sarah McLachlan, Bloom Remix Album

If you have put any of these discs into your computer lately, you might be in for trouble, although you’re kind of in trouble already for buying such crappy CDs. Come on, man! Go buy some records or something. Trey Anastasio? If you buy his solo record, you deserve whatever happens to your computer because of it. That’s what happens to my ears when I have to listen to that bearded windbag and his so-called “guitar noodlings.”