This summer, urine is the ticket to good health

It’s friggin’ hot outside, and I just can’t get over how helpful our bodily fluids can be. First I learn that semen may be an anti-depressant. Then, I’m thankfully reminded urine is your friend. Sure, our locker room buddies have told us that urinating on your feet in the shower can help kill athletes foot. I haven’t had athletes foot for 10 years!

What isn’t so widely known is that due to a cornucopia of health stimulating chemicals and hormones, urine may help cure cancer and many other annoying ailments. Chinese, Indian and even orthodox western medicine have often noted beneficial attributes to drinking urine.

Dr. Ming Chenliao of the Long Life Biomedical Company in Hefei province made strong claims for urine’s beneficial effects against cancer. He claimed that 47 percent of cancer patients treated in this way were cured of their cancer.

At the same conference a Japanese researcher, Dr. Shigeyuri Arai claimed a success rate of 73 percent with cancer patients.

These researchers report over 200,000 Japanese gargle or drink urine everyday. And Morarji Desai, once Prime Minister of India, lived to be 99 and frequently extolled the virtues of a daily glass of his own urine.

While urine drinking may not be everyone’s cup of tea, or pee, there certainly appears to be very beneficial aspects of urine drinking, gargling, rubbing or injecting.

Like many of you, I’ve had a passing flow of interest in urine my whole life. I also have a sizeable fear of jellyfish stings. It’s a fear that, thanks to urine, is all but gone. Rather than trusting what doctors say about the antibacterial qualities of urine, I learned about this jellyfish sting cure from my main source of information, a re-run of the television show “Jackass.”

On one episode, that zany fellow Steve-O dons a jellyfish body as a hat. It really made a cute little helmet, but that sting must have stung! Wise Steve-O knew the power of urine though. When his face turned purple, he just rubbed some urine on it. All better! So swim with the fishes my friends, but keep that bladder full!

Another proponent of alternative medicine, Michael Jackson, looked a bit like he’d been stung by a jellyfish at a recent gathering of Al Sharpton’s National Action Network in Harlem.

Jacko’s performed his share of Jackass-type stunts – the hair fire was classic, the creative face work, unbeatable. But this time around he’s dug up a bonafide conundrum that no amount of urine can cure.

Now that he’s finally released an album that didn’t sell well, he’s taken it upon himself to point out the obvious fact record companies, like all corporations, care about profit more than art. They even (gasp!) rip off their artists and especially minority artists. In this country? How shocking!

Jackson said, “The recording companies really, really do conspire against the artists – they steal, they cheat, they do everything they can, especially against the black artists.”

I thought everyone knew this. That’s why many artists avoid major labels like a smelly bowl of urine.

Prince knew this. That’s why he changed his name to a neat little symbol to get out of an oppressive contract with the Warner behemoth. He now releases his own music and appears to be a happy little man.

Perhaps Jacko could change his name to a symbol too, a jellyfish may suffice. He’ll have to be careful though, or he won’t have a pot to piss in.

Drastic measures may not be necessary and there may be hope for ripped off artists yet. The Rev. Sharpton and attorney Johnnie Cochran Jr. of O.J. fame recently formed a coalition to investigate whether artists are being financially exploited by record labels. Perhaps Cochran can utilize the Chewbacca defense, or better yet, create a special jellyfish urine defense.

“Record companies are like a jellyfish wrapped around these artist’s heads, and nothing can help them like …”

Here’s a couple of CD reviews to read while I go get healthy: one glass of urine at a time!

Album reviews of the week.

Hot music from hot places: Cuba via NYC and Africa via Germany. Or something like that.

Rhythmic Altered State (RAS)

Self Titled

Best Seven / Sonar Kollectiv

This African-influenced album blends electronics and live instruments very well. Rhythms skitter around downtempo, hip-hop, broken beat and nu-jazz styles. The production is solid and embellished by live percussion, vocals, horns, keys, and various strings. Fans of new Afrobeat like Femi-Kuti, the funky Latin reggae of Manu Chao and future jazz crews like Jazzanova will dig RAS. African drums and jungle sounds start things off and lead into a new school afro-disco homage to hard workingwoman on “Do Your Dance.” “This is Ours” is an acoustic guitar anchored reggae skank with an uplifting laid back rap and horns, violin and electric guitar samples come in and out of the mix. A few tracks seem incomplete, but the ideas that are presented are solid and nice to listen to. Plenty of organic instruments balance out the mostly programmed beats and it rides the fence between music to chill or dance to.

Francisco Aguabella


Ubiquity / Cubop

This album by Conga lengend Francisco Aguabella is yet another solid Latin Jazz release from Ubiquity’s Cubop imprint. With over 50 years performing coast-to-coast Cuban born conga/bata/percussionist Aguabella cooks hotter than ever with a solid ensemble on this release. Through and through, this is great hybrid of Latin, or Cuban, derived music and classic jazz. Most songs have strong horn section leads and the rhythm section is tight and classically made up of piano, bass, timbales, trap set, bongos, percussion and of course congas. Jazz fans will appreciate their treatment of the standard “My Favorite Things,” and Dizzy’s “Fiesta Mojo,” while those favoring Latin will love the renditions of Papo Luca’s “Guajira Para Los Pollos,” “Tin Tin Deo,” and others. Aguabella contributes three compositions including a tribute to the late Timbale player Tito Puente, “Mambo For Puente.” The mix is straight ahead and could possibly benefit in places from bringing the rhythm section to the forefront more but on the whole this LP won’t disappoint, especially while on a hot day in July.