Those boneless Bushes

My stars, they grow up so quickly. One second they’re the talkof the nation, cavorting around, doing the pee-wee drinky andflashing their knickers from New York to Austin and before you knowit, they’re graduating from the Ivy League.

Where does the time go? While we were all selfishly trying tosave the world, Jenna and Babs were busting their collective assesto finish their degrees. And guess what – they finally did! Youheard me right, America. The Bush Twins have done something some ofus may never do: graduate college – Jenna from the University ofTexas, and Barbara from Yale.

It finally makes sense why ol’ George W. always seemed sostressed out. It’s one thing trying to fight all that nasty oldterror for four years, but imagine doing that with two girls incollege. And those girls are a handful! If I were in his spot, I’dbe falling off my mountain bike and telling lies that result in theloss of thousands of lives too.

I mean, look at what he’s had to deal with. Underage drinking,scandalous and raunchy nights on the town, humanities degrees and,worst of all, Barbara broke tradition and didn’t join the Skull andBones! She’s the first Bush in four generations to forgo theopportunity to join one of the oldest surviving secret societies inAmerica. And why? Because they didn’t party enough! Can you believeit!?

Only 15 Yale seniors a year are “tapped” to join the prestigiousclub and nearly every devious, rich, white politician has been aBonesman at some point. Hell, even John Kerry was a member.

George Jr. was a Bonesman, George Sr. was a Bonesman andUncle Jonathan Bush was a Bonesman as was his father, PrescottBush, who today is one of the most historically renownedBonesmen.

Story has it that, for his initiation Prescott broke into thetomb of and stole the skull of legendary Native American leaderGeronimo, and when Native American activists demanded its return,he gave them the skull of a child instead. Rumors place the skullstill in the secret windowless lair of the Skull and Bones: TheTomb.

Everything about the Skull and Bones is sooo cool. The Tomb?C’mon that’s the coolest secret lair name ever! Why would anyoneskip the chance to join such a devious, time-honored, society?

I suppose it’s just another hard example of the declining valuesof today’s youth.

Perhaps Barbara, caught up in the backwards values of the MTVgeneration, sees following her father into the Skull and Bones assacrificing her individuality. She can’t see the importance oftradition. And frankly, I don’t think the President does reallyeither or he would have tried harder to get her to join.

It was so important to George Sr. that when no one wouldinitiate his dummy of a son to join the society, he took time outfrom his busy schedule of arming guerrillas for the CIA to fly toYale and “tap” George W. himself. Now that’s dedication.

None of this, “Well, Barbara thinks the Skull and Bones are toostuffy. She wants to join the Sage and Chalice instead. She’s anadult and she should be allowed to make her own decisions”bullshit.

I mean, sure, the Sage and Chalice is a newer, hipper secretsociety and throws better parties – but if my daughter had thechance to be a part of an Illuminati-connected group, you betterknow I would make sure as hell she took it.

But that’s the difference between George Bush and I. He neverunderstood the power of his opportunity. When he was member of theSkull and Bones he couldn’t even come up with a secret name. Theyfinally just settled on calling him Temporary. Oh well, maybe themoniker will end up being an appropriate one…