TV party – Turnoff week is bullshit, we control our own TV

In case you hadn’t noticed (and you haven’t), this week is “Turnoff Week”–a nationwide event designed to curtail our national habit of television, emphasizing the reduction of media forces in our daily lives.

It’s also a load of snobby bullshit.

The event’s organizers, a group called the Center for SCREEN-TIME Awareness, say on their Web site that they are dedicated to “putting people in charge of the ‘electronic tools’ in their lives.” They also want to combat obesity, the disintegration of families and other social ills that are–in their view–a direct result of TV.

OK… Let’s pretend for a second that TV really does cause society’s problems, and that we lived in a vast utopia of fun-loving (but reverent, always reverent) families before the advent of picture broadcasting. Even if that was true, there’s still one problem: Every single person who watches TV has very direct control of their consumption, usually in the form of a remote. Or, y’know, a fucking power-plug.

We choose to watch TV. We choose the programs we consume. We choose where we watch TV, how we watch TV, fuck, why we watch TV. We choose. We choose. We choose.

And that’s why Turnoff Week is stupid. The event assumes that we don’t have control over our own media consumption. Frankly, it’s insulting. Even if Americans are fat, even if we watch crappy television, even if TV is bad for us-we don’t need some organization with “Awareness” in its title to tell us what to do. We’ll destroy our lives in any way we see fit.

To the well-intentioned assholes participating in Turnoff Week: we’ll leave our flickering tubes on just for you–all day, every day.

TV TurnOn week

To combat the growing tide of idiocy and annoyance brought on by the Center for SCREEN-TIME Awareness, we, the glowing guides of TV Party, hereby declare this moment in time as TurnOn Week. You know how some people want to protect your precious, precious brain? Well, we want to destroy it. Watch the following shows in honor the destructive powers of television:

A Shot at Love 2 with Tila Tequila Tuesday, April 2310 p.m., MTV

More stupid and slutty shenanigans of our favorite reality-show star who looks more like E.T. with tits every day.

Countdown to DoomsdayWednesday, April 242 a.m., SciFi Channel

Who’s better to remind you of your impending doom than host Matt Lauer?

Deal or No DealWednesday, April 248 p.m., NBC

A New York salesman takes a risk to win a suitcase of cash, most likely resulting in him bringing home $5,000 instead of the $100,000 he could have easily walked away with. Greed is good.

Press Your LuckThursday, April 258:30 a.m., Game Show Network

“Big Bucks, come on, Big Bucks, no whammies, Big Bucks, and … stop!”

Menace II SocietyThursday, April 258 p.m., Black Entertainment Television

All we’re going to say is: if you insult someone’s mom, that’s what you get.

The 700 ClubFriday, April 26Noon, Trinity Broadcasting Network

Funnier than anything on Comedy Central and more made-up than anything on the SciFi Channel.