TV trauma

Last week, all four big networks (CBS, NBC, ABC and Fox) revealed their line-ups for the fall season. Here’s a preview of some shows sure to be canceled by next November:

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Matthew Perry, Amanda Peet, Bradley Whitford

Aaron Sorkin’s new drama, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, is set backstage on a late-night sketch comedy, a place just teeming with possibilities for Sorkin-esque drama: “Damnit, I believe in that Brangelina sketch like I believe in the promise of democracy!” The show’s premise concerns network executive Peet recruiting writers Perry and Whitford to save a sinking ship of a comedy show.


Jeff Goldblum

As if Jeff Goldblum wasn’t weird enough, on NBC’s new detective drama he’ll play a detective who communicates “psychologically” with murder victims. Which means the supernatural has nothing to do with Jeff Goldblum communicating with dead people. I’m glad that’s been cleared up.


Help Me Help You
Ted Danson

Searching for a new show to rip-off, ABC hauled the ’80s NBC sitcom Dear John out of the vaults and replaced Jud Nelson with Ted Danson. It’s nice to see networks ripping off shows more than three years old.


A Day in the Life
Marla Sokoloff, Wendie Malick

In the running for worst idea for a show ever, A Day in the Life is 24 meets – a wedding! Will the caterers forget to bring the white rose centerpiece? The suspense is killing me.


‘Til Death
Brad Garrett, Joely Fisher

What happens when a pair of young-and-in-love newlyweds move next door to a jaded and bitter married couple? Certainly nothing funny. Still, I bet it’s better than The War at Home.


Ron Livingston, some new random hot chick

Is there any love sweeter than the love between two hostage negotiators? Lord I hope so. I’ll eat my shoe if this wasn’t originally pitched as a movie.


Skeet Ulrich

A series of mysterious events in a small town in Kansas point to the impending end of the world. And in its darkest hour, the town learns the terrible truth that Skeet Ulrich, not Johnny Depp, is the real Johnny Depp.


Rules of Engagement
Patrick Warburton

In a bold move sure to send shock waves through the industry, CBS has green-lit a show about the romantic lives of rich New Yorkers. Whether the network will survive such a radical experiment in television programming remains to be seen, but you’ve at least got to give them points for working outside the box.