Diabetes…That is all

Cooking Time: 45–60 minutes Servings: ∞

This recipe that I am giving unto you is not to be taken lightly. Baking this monstrous pastry is like unlocking the doors to the great void in which unspeakable horrors lie waiting.

Seriously, heed my warnings, or at least raid your grandfather’s medicine cabinet for his insulin shots. Prepare yourself to ingest enough calories to feed a small, starving nation for a year. You have been warned.

2 large mixing bowls
A whisk or electric hand mixer
A 9×11 baking pan
Rubber spatula

1 box of your favorite brownie mix, preferably one with a
caramel drizzle
1 box or tube of chocolate chip cookie dough mix
16 (8 packages) of regular size Reese’s Peanut Butter cups
15–20 Oreos
1 stick of butter, softened. If using premade cookie dough,
then ½ stick of butter for brownie mix.
2 eggs
Non-stick spray

Step 1: Take a long look at yourself in the mirror. Now, realize that by making this ode to the decadence of a first-world society that you will cause serious damage to not only your health, but your loved ones’ health as well. Let that shame set in and preheat your oven to 375° F.

Step 2: Now grab two large mixing bowls and place a ½ stick of butter in each. Crack one egg into each bowl, and place the brownie and cookie dough mix into those bowls, respectively. (If you have opted for the premade cookie dough mix, skip this step.) Mix the contents of the bowls together via the instructions on the box, or 2–4 minutes for each bowl.

Step 3: Liberally spray the 9×11 baking pan with the non-stick spray. Spoon in the cookie dough into the baking pan and spread evenly across.

Step 4: Layer the 15–20 Oreos on top of the cookie dough. Completely unwrap all 16 Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and place them on top of the Oreos.

Step 5: Pour the brownie batter on top of the cookie dough/Oreo/Reese’s mixture. If you happened to have bought one of those fancy brownie batter mixes that have a topping, this the time to add it.

Step 6: Place the baking pan into the oven and let the dessert to end all desserts bake for 45–60 minutes. Once the Brimley is out of the oven, let it rest for at least an hour on a cooling rack. Then, cut the Brimley into ½ inch squares and say these words: ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.