You sicken me, PSU!

Is the sink just far too difficult and advanced for some people to comprehend? Yes, it seems so silly and rather basic, but a surprising number of men do not wash their hands after using the bathroom.

I have witnessed it for some time, and it has become a growing personal pet peeve; it may be more annoying to me than people who ride the elevator for only one measly floor. Perhaps I am unaware of some special natural immunity a guy can develop, but as far as I know, germs are germs and they don’t care how special and clean you think your penis is, or any other sun-don’t-shine parts.

In a very unscientific study I conducted, and only going so far as to not get arrested or creep folks out, I ventured into a couple of high-traffic PSU men’s bathrooms and paid special attention to the sinks. Like a Jane Goodall of lavatory sciences, a field founded by me, I tallied the number of folks entering a bathroom, and then tallied the number of individuals who washed their hands. In one bathroom eight out of 11 people washed their hands, and in the other, six out of eight. Unscientifically speaking, that’s around a quarter of hygienic violators.

That number echoes studies by the American Society for Microbiology over the last few years, stating that around one-quarter to one-third of Americans don’t wash their hands after using the restroom.

According to the Mayo Clinic, bacteria and viruses such as the common cold, the flu and even gastrointestinal disorders can all be transmitted via your hands. By touching surfaces in the bathroom, you, in turn, can transmit these germs to yourself after touching your eyes or mouth. You can also spread them to others. Failure to wash hands is also cited as a significant contributor to the spread of infections such as salmonella and E. coli. Backing up this attitude, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention claim that washing your hands is the single most important step to preventing the spread of disease.

Staph, another example, is a bacterium that can be deadly and is spread by skin-to-skin contact and sometimes by using the same surfaces as others infected with it. Simply washing your hands can halt staph.

And here you are in the bathroom of all places, a den of germs and bacteria, exiting dirtier and more contaminated than when you initially entered. Shame on you, you horrifying handshaker, you greasy bacteria-carrying cretin, you spreader of sickness and viral scourge! You make even the most extreme agoraphobic germaphobe appear sane.

I don’t play into myths such as you can get an STD from sitting on a toilet seat. In all honesty, public bathrooms can be relatively sanitary because they are regularly cleaned, perhaps more often than your bathroom at home. Another aspect to consider is that though germs can make you sick or sluggish, for the most part (and excluding a select few nasty ones), they aren’t going to bring you down. A little bacteria here and there can do the body good in the long run, via building up the body’s immune system.

Still, beware, PSU restroom patrons: It is better to be safe than sorry in this case. Exercise proper vigilance. At least 30 sudsy seconds in the sink should do the job. This is not hard to do. Sure, there will be those who remain in their unhygienic ways, but we can hope that just as we humans once became intelligent enough to stop throwing feces around at one another, they too can advance to simply and civilly washing their hands.