23 Things You Probably Won’t Go To



Fireball Ministry, Puny Human

Roseland Grill, 8 N.W. 6th, 503-224-2038, 9 p.m., 21+, $10

My head already hurts.

Arohi Ensemble: Raga Jazz Music

Lincoln Hall 75, 503-725-9504, Noon, FREE, all ages

Third concert in a series of 17 … now we’re in it for the long haul.



Flat Mountain Girls

PSU Park Blocks, outside Smith Center, Noon, FREE

Wanna see some clog dancing? Wait, really? I’m starting to wonder about you.


“The Boston Connection”

First United Methodist Church, S.W. 18th and Jefferson, 503-234-4077, 8 p.m., $10 student, all ages

Featuring Logan Coale, a double bass player … wow, he must get all the girls.

“New Beginnings”

Keller Auditorium, S.W. Clay at Third, 503-222-5538, 7:30 p.m., $10+, all ages, obt.org

Jazz and ballet … this should be interesting.

“Heart of the Sun”

PCC Sylvania Arts Center, 12000 S.W. 49th, 503-977-4112, 7:30 p.m., $12 student, all ages, heartofthesun.com

Another multicultural event, just in case you needed to be more culturally aware.

The Triumph of French Painting

17th Century Masterpieces from the Museum of FRAME

Portland Art Museum, 1219 S.W. Park, 503-226-2811, 9:30 a.m., $20 student, all ages, portlandartmuseum.org

Don’t miss out on this chance to take a peek into the history of France … if you care.

Relient K, Anberlin, Don’t Look Down, Number One Gun

Crystal Ballroom, 503-225-0047, 7:30 p.m., $13.50 adv., all ages

What does the “K” stand for anyway?

Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci, Kingsbury Manx, Viva Voce

Dante’s, 1 S.W. Third, 503-226-6630, 9:30 p.m., $12 advanced, 21+

I wonder if their music is as confusing and idiotic as their names?




Music Millennium N.W., 801 N.W. 23rd, 503-248-0163, 3 p.m., FREE, all ages

These guys are all about the funk, the whole funk and nothin’ but the funk.

David Finckel and Wu Han

Kaul Auditorium/Reed College, S.E. 28th and Woodstock, 503-294-6400, 8 p.m., $10 student, all ages, cmnw.org

A husband and wife team, eh? Well, this should be good.

Turin Brakes

Lola’s Room, 1332 W. Burnside, 503-225-0047, 8 p.m., $11 advanced, 21+

Hey, I wouldn’t recommend listening to these guys on a rainy day after you’ve missed the bus and found out that you’ve been fired from a crappy job. You just might explode.

“Saturday Interactive”

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 503-228-1353, 7:30 p.m., $17+, all ages, orsymphony.org

Want to interact with a cello or two?

“New Beginnings”

Keller Auditorium, 222 S.W. Clay, 503-222-5538, 7:30 p.m., $60+, all ages, obt.org

There comes a time in everybody’s life when they just have to ask themselves, “Do the Andrews Sisters and tutus really go together?”

Javon Jackson

The Old Church, S.W. 11th, 503-292-0674, 8 p.m., $12 student, all ages

He knows how to work his sax.

My Chemical Romance, A Static Lullaby, Vaux,


Meow Meow, 527 S.E. Pine, 7 p.m., $13.50 adv., all ages

Try to resist the temptation to cut and wash their hair. I dare you.



Shadows Fall, Himsa, These Arms Are Snakes, This Day Forward

Meow Meow, 527 S.E. Pine, 7 p.m., $13.50 adv., all ages

This Ozzfest band is finally breaking out of its shell. Isn’t that comforting?!

Longwave, Calla, Mu Meson

Berbati’s Pan, 10 S.W. Third, 503-248-4579, 8:30 p.m., $10 adv., 21+

More shaggy men.



“The Boardroom” DJ Seoul Brother #1, DJ 01 Atom 13, Atari video games

Nocturnal, 1800 E. Burnside, 503-239-5900, 8:30 p.m., FREE, 21+, nocturnalpdx.com

For all the closet video gamers out there hiding among PSU academia.

Edward Ka-Spel of The Legendary Pink Dots, Coven of One

Berbati’s Pan, 10 S.W. Third, 503-248-4579, 8:30 p.m., $12 adv., 21+

This is one you’re going to want to take grandma to if you’re tired of waiting for that inheritance.



“Tango on Tap”

The BridgePort BrewPub, 1313 N.W. Marshall, 503-228-1353, 6 p.m., $12 general ad., 21+, orsymphony.org

There will be food, music, dancing and beer. Just don’t forget the breath mints.

Saves the Day, Taking Back Sunday, Moneen

Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W. Burnside, 503-225-0047, 7 p.m., $18.50 adv., all ages

More indie-pop-punk. Whoo-hoo.

Storm and The Balls, Cougers

Dante’s, 1 S.W. Third, 503-226-6630, 9 p.m., $6 at the door, 21+

I wonder how long it took them to think up their name.

– The Calendar Girl