Loneliness can kill

Portland, and the Pacific Northwest in general, have a reputation for being a little more polite than most other parts of the country. I don’t know if that’s true, as I’ve spent all my life in Oregon and the Midwest, where not only are we super-polite, we pat ourselves on the back in celebration of our politeness.

And yet, while the self-congratulation is probably well deserved, politeness doesn’t necessarily translate into consideration and sensitivity, or an actual concern and regard for the person next to us.

In both our great city and everywhere else in the country, we are becoming more isolated and less connected. The American Sociological Review conducted a recent study that found the average American has only two close friends in whom they would confide, down from an average of three in 1985. The amount of people who said they had no such confidant jumped from 10 percent to 25 percent.

What’s even more interesting (and alarming, for us students) is that the group with the sharpest declines in core discussion ties were highly educated middle-class families. In other words, us, a couple of decades from now.

As individualism is by and large winning the day in America, so is an increased self-obsession, and as a result, isolation.

The loneliness this represents is not trivial. Those who are lonely for long periods of time are at risk for a dizzying amount of medical problems. The University of Chicago tells us that loneliness is linked with lower sleep efficiency, and a higher perceptibility to stress. Loneliness measured prior to a mammogram screening was higher among women who were found to have breast cancer relative to those who did not. People living alone, both old and young, are shown to have higher suicide rates. Links have been found relating loneliness to chronic cardiovascular impairment.

Furthermore, between lonely and non-lonely groups, there was no difference found in frequency or type of daily activities, past life events, or health behaviors such as exercise, tobacco use and diet. This is the current issue at hand.

So what brings all of this on? Psychology Today tells us, unsurprisingly, that loneliness is generally caused by “a lack of close friends and a dearth of broader social contact.”

While research is unclear about what has caused this, America’s increased individualism, and thus, infatuation with ourselves, is hard to ignore. We are simply less concerned with the welfare of others, or at the very least, we tend not to show our concern.

This goes beyond a forced smile or a please and a thank you. Politeness is a great start, but politeness doesn’t address the self-involvement that runs throughout the country. Gore Vidal said that talking about ourselves is a bad habit Americans have gotten themselves into. “I’ve lived in many countries,” he said, “and this place is obsessed-it’s always ‘me, me, me.'”

What we can do about this seems obvious, but is frustratingly hard. It’s easy enough to be caring and considerate on a face-value basis, and as mentioned earlier, Portland seems to do that notably well. But loneliness (and its byproducts) is a long-term deal. It takes root over years, even decades, and is mitigated only by constant, intimate personal connection of a similar time period.

Smiling at a stranger is almost effortless, but forming close, long-term relationships? Pretty freakin’ difficult, and it’s not getting any easier. Modern technology makes less meaningful communication (IMs, text messaging, etc.) simpler, and honest, face-to-face communication harder.

The value of developing and maintaining decent interpersonal relationships isn’t as readily apparent as our more immediate pressing needs. As a fast-paced life becomes more demanding, we spend more time at work or at school, and less time with our families and friends.

This is not just an unfortunate, melancholy byproduct of a changing world. This is not insignificant. The collective increase of isolation and loneliness is dangerous to both our physical and mental well-being.

But the answer to reversing the effects of loneliness is still largely within our control. It lies within telling people we love them, consistently, and meaning it. It lies within paying attention to the emotional health of our loved ones, and making time for them, regardless of the expense. It lies within making the effort to reach out to those we don’t know. It requires all this and more to keep us healthy.

It requires taking care of the people we care about today, and refusing to close the door on the people who we might care about tomorrow.