Sick and wrong

I don’t know about you, but I am sick of having to deal with people who come to school, well, sick! They’re in the elevator, they’re in the food court, they’re in every single freakin’ class.

I feel as if I’m in a remake of the movie “The Invasion,” which was already a remake, and really, this is getting ridiculous. They’re even in the computer labs spreading germs over each and every key of the keyboard as they repeatedly type the phrase, “Don’t fight it. Conform.”

If you’re one of these people, I apologize now, because I don’t plan to be nice about this issue. Suck it up. You can do that—its kind of like sniffing your snot back up into your nose.

I understand that sick people are just trying to keep up with classes, work and other responsibilities. But I don’t care. We all have homework and various responsibilities that we have to take care of. I don’t want to get behind either, and I’m not sick yet.

Germs are spread in a couple of ways. Many are airborne, which means if you cough, sneeze or even breathe, you’re sharing your germs. If you’re feeling sick, stay home unless you think it’s possible to stop breathing, in which case you’re welcome to come to class as far as I’m concerned.

Another way germs can be spread is through body fluids: Everything from blood, saliva, mucus, sweat, semen, vaginal fluids and urine can act as a carrier for viruses, bacteria, fungi, etc. I should clarify that this also includes more solid matter as well you know what I’m talking about. Wash your hands for the love of all that is Purell and holy.

While we’re on the subject, have you noticed those nifty dispensers next to each elevator in the university? That isn’t hand lotion; it’s hand sanitizer. Purell can kill 99.9 percent of the most common germs, and similar brands of sanitizer have about the same effectiveness. Use it!

One really can’t be too safe. None of us can afford to be too oblivious, either. With the proliferation of viruses and bacteria that are difficult to fight off, such as the common cold, the swine flu and MRCA, just to name a few, the situation has become much more serious. Some illnesses can be life-threatening, especially to individuals with immune disorders and disabilities. Yeah, by coming to school sick you’re oppressing a whole group of people. Don’t roll your eyes. I’ll spray you with Lysol quicker than the Portland Police can mace a peaceful protestor.

I have personally witnessed students laughing, between sneezes and coughs, about forgetting to bring their hand sanitizer to class and how “some poor sucker” is going to get exposed. Yeah, me. How stupid of me to believe I have a right to come to a class that I pay for and be safe. And don’t get me started on bathroom stories.

We shouldn’t have to wonder, as we’re struggling with organic chemistry or Plato’s “Socratic Dialogues,” if the person sitting next to us has just exposed us to some kind of illness that is going to make our lungs bleed.

Sure, you sickos have rights, too. However, as the saying goes, with rights also come responsibilities. What’s the solution? Simple: Be responsible and stay home when you’re sick. ?