Andrew WK is evil incarnate

By now, we all know what Andrew WK is all about. We’ve all seen his pro-wrestler-meets-camp-counselor persona on MTV. Unexpected exposure to his music has made us jump to our feet, rip the stuffing out of the couch and smash a lamp before our rational selves could find the mute button.

If emotional effect is what we look for in music, this is the music that absolutely possesses the mind, encouraging its listener to run around like an idiot and smash everything in sight. Is Andrew WK everything that we have been searching for or is he just plain evil?

This whole Andrew WK phenomenon is frightening because, thus far, there has been no sign that the man is anything but heartbreakingly sincere. As it seems highly unlikely that he will ever go through a period of artistic change or even release a second album, WK’s philosophy seems destined to live as long as he is performing. Like Flannery O’Connor or Joseph Conrad, who depict in their stories everything base about human nature, Andrew WK has tapped into a part of the human psyche that nobody wants to acknowledge. WK, however, is more unsettling than either of these writers because he offers no redemption in the end, there does not seem to be any alternative to his lifestyle. One spends one’s life in the search to “get wet” or one’s life has been wasted.

So if the music is sincere, is it not evil? No, I will maintain it is evil because, despite the sincerity, it is still manipulative of its audience. That may seem hypocritical, because most traditional music is arranged in order to evoke a certain feeling. To use an obvious example, one can cite Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy,” a harmonious and, yes, joyful cascade of ringing major chords. WK is evil because his music tricks you.

Is the devil not evil because he is only preying on the faults of human nature, and is not responsible for these faults?

Well, WK is not the devil, but his cause is similar: He wants us to do evil things, such as living our lives “full boar” and partying till we puke.

Even now I can feel his powers working against me, convincing me that these are not bad things. I cannot remember a time where I partied till I puked and the experience was not completely worth it. Living life “full boar” seems to have a direct implication for me of engaging in the running of the bulls in Spain, which always scared me, but I guess there are other things you could do as well, like throw this comb from the desk to the floor! Smash! I bet my neighbors heard that and I bet they are pissed. But I don’t care, because I’m living life full boar! Agh! Get out of my head, WK! You are evil!

Thankfully, the underage will not be able to attend WK’s performance. Someone must have passed a law already.

However, those of the 21+ crowd can see Andrew WK work his evil along with Most Precious Blood and the Suicide Girls on Nov. 14 at Dante’s, an aptly named location for this demonic line-up. The show costs $15 in advance from Fastixx and begins at 9 p.m.