Audio Bondage

Bond theme songs are kind of a weird phenomena. They’re mostly terrible, filled with trite and ridiculous lyrics, but they often reflect something about the time which gave them birth.

Most of the theme songs from the ’80s are appropriately awful. The ’70s themes have soul. The ’90s songs are confusing.

You get the picture.

With that in mind, and in honor of today’s release of Quantum of Solace, here’s the top seven Bond songs of all time (because that’s how I roll) and the five worst.

(Note: Visit blogs.dailyvanguard.com for reviews of all 20 Bond theme songs.)

Top seven best Bond songs

1. “Live and Let Die” by Paul McCartney and WingsLive and Let Die, 1973This is hands-down the best Bond theme song of all time. It’s also the only song that had an impact on the charts, and the first rock ‘n’ roll track to boot. There’s an indisputably great chorus here, even if the song’s structure is schizophrenic, bouncing from one mode to the other with reckless abandon. “Live and Let Die” also has the distinction of being the only decent song Wings ever put out. If it’s good enough for Guns ‘n’ Roses, it’s good enough for me.

2. “Goldfinger” by Shirley Bassey Goldfinger, 1964 Shirley Bassey’s voice pretty much defines the classic Bond era. Here, she sounds sexy and sultry over a heavily horned orchestra, like she’s been smoking her entire life but is still willing to belt ’em out. Sure, Bassey over-sings the middle part of the song, but the accentuated O in the word “Goldfinger” (y’know, “Goooldfing-ah“) is one of the Bond franchises’ more iconic musical moments.

3. “Diamonds Are Forever” by Shirley BasseyDiamonds Are Forever, 1971Thanks to Kanye West, this song is pretty ubiquitous at this point. Here again, Shirley Bassey brings her A-game to the chorus, but gets lost during the verse. And John Barry’s score, his best since Goldfinger, is a thing of beauty.

4. “The Man With the Golden Gun” by LuLuThe Man With the Golden Gun, 1974More John Barry! This time he tries to rock, and largely succeeds. Scottish songstress LuLu brings the goods as well, though she’s really just a poor man’s Shirley Bassey.

5. “A View to a Kill” by Duran DuranA View To A Kill, 1985While it’s definitely a song of it’s era (lots of cocaine went into its writing process methinks) I gotta hand it to Duran Duran–this song rocks. It’s dancey, the lyrics aren’t actually that bad, yeah, I’m down.

6. “GoldenEye” by Tina TurnerGoldeneye, 1995Tina Turner singing a song written by U2’s Bono and The Edge? Sold. Turner has a voice that’s perfect for Bond, and this decidedly modern song fits the series like a glove.

7. “Another Way to Die” by Jack White and Alicia KeysQuantum of Solace, 2008It seems like an odd combo, but Jack White and Alicia Keys make a formidable duo on this new song–it rocks simple like the White Stripes, but Keys adds that sultry Bond-girl element that’s desperately needed for a good theme song. Finally, a new and worthy entry into the series’ rich musical legacy.

Top five worst Bond songs

1. “For Your Eyes Only” by Sheena EastonFor Your Eyes Only, 1981Bond entered the ’80s with this terrible number that’s both melodramatic and cloying. This is bad, bad, bad pop, and even within the mixed territories of Bond theme songs, completely shitty.

2. “All Time High” by Rita CoolidgeOctopussy, 1983More crappy ’80s pop. You’d think they could do something interesting with a title like Octopussy, but no, instead we get a cheesy love song. Not cool!

3. “Thunderball” by Tom JonesThunderball, 1965I hate Tom Jones. He hams up every song he tries to sing, and has a voice so middle-of-the-road that he renders the world around him boring. This song is saved by the ace composition of John Barry, who worked on the music of many Bond films. His music makes Tom Jones nearly palatable. Johnny Cash’s original “Thunderball” song is better, but this version fits the film.

4. “The Living Daylights” by A-HaThe Living Daylights, 1987Nope. Sorry A-Ha, but this is bad, even by your standards. (The singer sounds muppet-like.)

5. “Tomorrow Never Dies” by Sheryl CrowTomorrow Never Dies, 1997Great song composition, but all I wanna do is not listen to Sheryl Crow sing. Bond films aren’t made for soccer moms, dude.