Congratulations, we made it. And when I say “it,” I obviously mean graduating in four years, being accepted to graduate school, throwing that away and sticking around to be in student government for one more awful year. Pretty much the common college experience, y’know, just minus crabs and a tumultuous relationship with an “artist” we will always love, no matter how much he stole from us.
I find you sitting in the middle of the front row The professor has changed topics, you won’t let it go Your hair disheveled, your pants denim capris Your voice is loud, you do whatever you please The class is late, I dream of getting rest You’re 20 years my senior, not looking your best A break should cause your questions to abate You saddle up the tired professor, to again dominate
I have a bad dog. If you combined a velociraptor, a puma with autism and something that loves to shit in my shoes, then you would have my pooch.
I do not have a problem–at least not a normal one. My problem has to do with sleeping, and it eventually made fire rain down upon my head, burning the air around me. Let me explain.
I have many friends who are always complaining about being single. And I am truly sick of it! I don’t care that you are single and that you have no one in your life. Perhaps if you stopped whining for 20 minutes, changed your super-airbrushed picture on craigslist.org and didn’t go down on the guy in the first 15 minutes of your “date,” you might have a boyfriend.
I am not a bitter, old gay. Though I’m not young either. It’s just that I’m 25 and no matter what I do, where I go and who I meet, I end up meeting the same guys. There are three of them to be exact. Their names change sometimes and the bars sometimes play different Kylie Minogue songs, but I swear, there are three types of gay men in Portland. And I am sick of them all.
Welcome to Portland State University! I am Ryan and I will be your housing tour guide today! Don’t you just love my fake smile and bubbly attitude? Couldn’t you just hit me in the fucking face? Don’t worry about it friends, I would rather shit myself than give another tour to your fat asses right now!