Channeling Andy Rooney: PSU between the lines

Zen and the art of moped maintenance
We all need motor scooters. Seriously, F this PSU parking situation, and F the oil prices. Oh yeah, and to hell with TriMet, too (three month passes?). What in hell are we all doing, playing their game? For $400 and a trip to, this all goes away, like the wind through our hair. I’ve always said the worst thing about PSU is getting there, and I live right across the river. So we risk a bit of inherent danger, oh well, them machines only go 30 mph, and helmets save lives. At worst you look like a total dork and get a few condescending honks, F ’em. Let them honk their way to the gas station with their 12 miles per gallon. We get 120.

Street preacher hollering outside of Smith
Jesus! Cedric Jenkins can holler something fierce. I’ve never seen a guy work harder for change. Can we get some college credits for this man? He spends more time at PSU than any of us. And this is still my favorite line ever printed in the Vanguard: "She also heard [Jenkins] say, ‘I’ll stick my big, black dick up your ass.’" Now that’s the word of God.

Can I get a computer?
Anyone else miss the Shattuck Hall computer dungeon? Anyone else too busy (lazy) to walk to the new Broadway Housing Building just to check your email? Anyone else tired of waiting in a line every time you need to write a paper? Waiting in line to do something you don’t want to do? Anyone else tired of being kicked out of the wired classrooms? Anyone? Something needs to be done.

Toasted subs
Who knew, I mean besides Quiznos? They’re, like, yummilicious. A sandwich revolution has taken place right here on campus. Last November the students gathered in the Park Blocks with their meal cards in tow. They demonstrated in large numbers and shouted their demands, "Say no to no toasters!" They then cut up their meal cards in defiance and stormed the Aramark offices, saying they would not let up until toasters were in place at every downtown Subway. Perseverance paid off, and now not one six-inch roasted chicken on honey wheat will go untoasted in 2005. Viva la Jared!

The girls of PSU
The girls at this school are somewhat smokin.’ I thought that needed mentioning.