Today’s Birthday (February 26)
Now is the time to explore. With Zephron in the House of Sirius your creative instincts are at an all-time high. Don’t shy away from enacting a long-pondered plan.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Your string of recent financial successes runs out. Back to hookin’ it on the corner.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
A long forgotten acquaintance assumes an important role in your life.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Don’t let your frustration boil over…yet.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
The crab’s grasp tightens. Let your optimism help you wriggle free.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Erections lasting longer than four hours, though rare, require immediate medical help.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Today is the day to add the superfluous vowel to your name.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Help comes in unexpected packages. Maybe that crazy, gibberish-spouting old man who accosts you every day when you try to buy burritos isn’t so crazy after all.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Forget freebasing, freedom flows from freeform Freemasonry.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Enlightenment lies hidden in this very issue of the Vanguard. Search for it at all costs. Here’s a clue: 6 – ou – 45. Now get to it!
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
A recent horoscope left you confused. Ha ha.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Sometimes you feel like a nut…
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Sometimes you don’t.
– Your Psychic Friend at the Vanguard