What I’m about to say is largely aimed toward men who sleep with women, because lesbians should hopefully already know this. So here goes: Gentlemen, USE YOUR TONGUES AND FINGERS ON YOUR LADIES ON A REGULAR BASIS. Seriously. I feel like this is not something that really needs to be said, but apparently it is.
Dan Savage and other advice columnists I read regularly get letters which read, “Gee, we used to have great sex, but he never takes the time to make me orgasm anymore.” Also, repeated studies show that women are less likely to engage in casual sex with men, not because they are any less sexual beings but because their odds of actually having an orgasm are rather small. Whereas for men, it is all but guaranteed.
Most women don’t orgasm during most sexual encounters, which is rather tragic. Numerous major studies peg the number of women who consistently orgasm during sex as somewhere around 25 percent. This compared to the roughly 90–95 percent of men who orgasm during every sexual encounter.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I would quite probably go insane if I was only sporadically able to climax during sex. Whether through ignorance or selfishness, it would seem that most straight guys either don’t ever really put in effort to satisfy their sexual partners or they stop trying once the relationship is securely established. This is a trend that every sexually active straight man should try to break.
It’s not like using fingers and tongues is difficult, either. With a bit of guidance from your ladyfriend, it isn’t terribly difficult to get a positive reaction most of the time. The issue is one of thought and enthusiasm. Sex feels awesome in the truest sense of the word, and once you have gotten your rocks off, it is easy to say, “Well, that was fun!” and call it a day. Don’t do that. Really, take the time and go the extra distance. Frankly, oral sex and digital stimulation for female partners shouldn’t even be considered extra distance; it should be the default.
The big thing to remember is that just hopping on and thrusting away will most likely not get your partner there. Numerous studies have shown that about 70 percent of women cannot orgasm just through penile-vaginal intercourse, which results in the above statistic of only 25 percent receiving consistent orgasms. This in turn leads to yet a third depressing statistic: A 2010 study by teams from the University of Central Lancashire and the University of Leeds showed that about 25 percent of the women studied regularly faked orgasms, and 80 percent faked orgasms “up to half of the time” when they realized that their partner just wasn’t going to get them off. All of these statistics upset me, because sex is supposed to be amazing for everybody involved. Hence this little public service announcement.
Anyway, even if you make frequent use of a vibrator to get your partners off, and especially if you don’t, try to make giving them oral with every sexual encounter standard. First of all, as numerous letters, anecdotal evidence and common sense indicate, your relationship will be much happier when both parties are having plenty of orgasms.
Next, women get nervous about their genitalia as much as men do. Growing up, I quickly became aware of the seemingly omnipresent concern men have regarding their penis size and other things of that nature. It wasn’t until I saw The Vagina Monologues that I realized how much stress and anxiety many women have about the appearance, taste and smell of their vaginas. Enthusiastically performing oral sex on women can often help alleviate those concerns.
Now, for the record, I am NOT, repeat, NOT saying that every woman has some crippling self-esteem issue and that men need to ride in on their horses and white knight women’s problems away via good sex. That is juvenile, absurd in the extreme and massively demeaning. Rather, I am saying such insecurities are not uncommon, so people should be aware. Plus, the possible alleviation of such concerns is an added benefit of oral sex.
Lastly, receiving oral sex makes people feel special and appreciated. Somebody is taking the time to do something that can be time and/or energy consuming to make you feel good, and they typically don’t receive any major physical pleasure from it. I asked around my circle of friends, and they all agreed that receiving oral makes them feel extra wonderful for those reasons.
Ergo (I love using that word), remember, use your fingers and your tongue to make sure your women get their rocks off as often as possible during every sexual encounter. More orgasms means happier people, and more happy people means a happier planet Earth, and really, why wouldn’t you want that? Only terrorists like it when everybody is unhappy. Don’t let the terrorists win. Give women orgasms.
