Dreadful dates

Anonymous 1:

 

Ummm – the worst date I didn’t have didn’t happen. I was in High School and my friend hooked me up with this teacher’s daughter and my parents told me I could go, she called me up and said, “I want to have a penis.” And I was like, “What, you want to be a man?” and she was like, “No, I just want to have one to play with.” And I was like, “Shit, we’re still going out on a date, aren’t we?” And she was like, “Yeah.” So I was like, “Mom, can I have the car?” And she said no. Then I called her a bitch and my dad punched me. It’s not exactly a date but – it didn’t happen man, and it sucked.

 

Did she – get a touch? – get a chance to go that way anyways?

No.

 

Anonymous 2:

 

Have a bad date story?

 

I haven’t been on a date in a long time.

 

Why is that?

 

I don’t know, I have some big ole’ flaw that I don’t know about I guess. I think I’m just not outgoing enough.

 

But you don’t have any bad date stories? Has anybody puked on you?

 

No – (thinks) – I wa- – no that wasn’t really a date … I have to think about it – oh wait – that was a bad date – I met a guy on Myspace and like we were talking for like weeks via Myspace and then we decided to meet and like he seemed like a pretty cool guy and he was good-looking and I was like “OK!” and I like met him. And he said on his profile that he was 5’10” and I met him and he was probably 5’6″ or 5’7″-

 

And he was fat.

 

He wasn’t really fat, he had a little chub but it wasn’t like fat-fat. That doesn’t bother me, and he like had glasses, which he didn’t have in his pictures. He was just a nerd and I was really disappointed.

 

What’s wrong with nerds? I’m a nerd.

 

You’re a cool nerd, he was like a nerd-nerd.

 

Was he into like D ‘n’ D and stuff?

 

Not like that kind of nerd.

 

Did he have armpit stains?

 

No, but he had kind of a high voice though, it kind of turned me off.

 

What did he say? Was he like (high voice), ‘Oh, you’re HOT!’

 

No, it wasn’t like that, but it was higher than my voice.

 

Anonymous 3

 

I’ll give you a quick synopsis, I had a date with this girl and uh – she weighed three times as much as me and there was no way it was going anywhere. End of story.

 

But did she have a nice personality?

Not enough to count for that.

 

What would it take for you to like a fat girl?

 

Basically, she’d have to have Einstein’s brain.

 

But then you could just hang out with her and stuff but – that’s my lighter!

 

Oh, sorry – But I’m friends with a lot of them, don’t count me wrong, but romantically, no dice!

 

Anonymous 4

 

Here’s a bad story: It was a blind date. I had just moved here and it was my birthday so one of my friends at work hooked me up with a date. So she comes into my work and I’m like okay, I meet her and get to know her a little bit before we go to this house party.

 

Was it a Kid n’ Play house party?

 

No, it wasn’t a Kid n’ Play house party. It was a keg house party, I mean like 30 minutes after I had got there I was already really drunk and taking shots of Jim Beam. Probably about halfway through that bottle we decided to go to a different house party, that all my friends knew about, so we got to this house party, and ended up drinking more Jim Beam and more beer. It had maybe been an hour together and I had passed out and ended up throwing up everywhere. Like she called me like an hour later and was like, “Where are you?” and I thought it was one of my friends calling me, I was so drunk and out of it. I said to her, “I’m at this chick’s house, at some party with this chick.” Ya know?

 

It was her!

 

Yeah, and she was like, “Well, I’m that chick! Where the hell are you?” And I’m like, “I’m on the side of the house puking my guts out. Don’t come over; I don’t want you to see me like this.” She calls me again some time later and was like, “Are you alright?” And comes over anyway despite my- – In the end she ended up like giving my ass a ride home, ‘cuz I was way too drunk to drive myself and she didn’t call me again.

 

Anonymous 5

 

I’ve never really been on a bad date, but I do get harassed at my work a lot. I work at a grocery store and this guy came up to my counter with his wife and his kid and I was like, “Can I do anything for you?” And he said something along the lines of, “Well, yeah! But I don’t think my wife would like it!” I just kind of gave a fake laugh and went and got some guy coworkers to help him.

Another time, a guy, this slovenly old man, he was kind of nervous and he wanted some coffee and I got him some, and then I asked him if he wanted cream and he was like, “No, I like it dark and sweet like you.” And I was like, “I’m not even dark! Okay?”

 

Anonymous 6

 

I went to a movie once with this dude and we went to see the movie Eurotrip, the shittiest movie alive.

 

So what was wrong with the guy?

 

He really liked the movie. He laughed at all the lame parts.