Grosser than gross
My goal this week is to make you puke, so don’t read if you don’t like gross stuff. But then, maybe you won’t puke – maybe you’re jaded on gross stuff, and that’s grossest of all!
Anonymous 1
What is grosser than gross?
Neo-cons.
Well, that’s kinda boring, just neo-cons? You can do better than that.
You’re right.
Yes, they are kinda gross, but –
One time, my dad went hunting and he killed this deer and when he cut the head off, these big worms came out of its neck that were living in its brain, they were like larvae like two inches long – they were like big, whitish, slimy, yellowy, like larvae – that was like the grossest thing in the world.
Did you eat them?
No. I’m thinking if we would have we would have had brain worms ourselves and have worms all like crawling through our brains.
And then you turn into to like zombies or something.
(facetiously) Yeah.
Anonymous 2
What’s grosser than gross?
Walking through vomit on my way from Smith just now.
Really, there’s vomit?
In the middle of the day.
What’s it look like?
It’s orange with some green chunks, and I swear there’s a couple purple ones.
Does it look like Indian food?
It actually does look like a psychedelic version of marsala sauce. It was kind of curry-colored too.
For a $100 would you go lick it up?
No, no I would not.
What would your price be?
$10,000 plus medical expenses. And I’ll probably want to take shots beforehand so there’s some pre-planning involved.
Either way you’re gonna vomit, right?
Either way it’ll come back up.
How much more would you take to lick it up again?
My own vomit. I think this conversation itself is gonna make me vomit so – I can think of something else that’s gross.
Shoot.
I would say, this might be a bit esoteric but hypocrisy is kind of grosser than gross. More like profound hypocrisy, not like the everyday run-of-the-mill type stuff, like when pro-lifers bomb abortion clinics, that’s kind of gross – it’s people who espouse beliefs that are logically inconsistent and they don’t follow it themselves.
And that makes you want to puke?
Sometimes.
It makes you want to puke and lick it up.
Yeah, and there’s some crying involved.
(someone else interjects) I can tell you what’s grosser than gross: pregnant men.
Yeah, that’s gross, like Arnold Schwarzenegger in that movie.
(Anonymous 4 interjects) Are you talking like the tumor with like the teeth and hair?
No, just the idea of pregnant men.
Those tumors are fucking gross – the tumors that grow little parts, like a little bit of eyeball, a little bit of teeth and hair.
And butthole.
I knew someone that had like a twin growing out of his abdomen and he could like tickle it and it would move.
Anonymous 3
What’s grosser than gross?
(subject shakes head)
You don’t know? Dead fetuses?
That’s gross.
Something about poop? Something about eating poop?
That’s gross but I’m not really interested.
Well, nobody really is – well they are but they aren’t – they say they aren’t but they are – ’cause it’s an interesting idea – those things –
It is but I’m kinda –
You’re in your own zone – right. Well, have a nice day – sorry.
Anonymous 4
What’s grosser than gross?
When you watch somebody eat their boogers.
Grosser than that?
When you watch somebody eat their turds.
Grosser than that.
When you watch somebody eat – their dog’s turds.
No, that’s not as gross as eating your own turds. Eating your own turds is pretty vile – think of something grosser.
Think of something grosser? I need some adjective prompts here.
Um – ah – adjective prompts – would that include any adjectives?
Sure.
Terrific.
Grosser than that.
Disgusting – vile –
Vile! That’s better – give me some more.
Repulsive.
OK – somebody eating a human carcass that’s been sitting in the sun for three weeks.
What do they wash it down with?
A nice tall glass of goat’s semen.
That’s pretty vile – have you ever rolled around in the stomach of a dead whale?
No, that’s something I have not tried.
Would you?
That depends, is it clean?
No.
The guts are still in there?
Yes.
Would I be able to get out of it?
You could knife your way out.
I’d have to knife my way out?
Yeah.
Then no.
For $1 million?
For $1 million I would – as long as it’s guaranteed I could get out with that knife – as long as it’s not a steak knife.
What if it was a steak knife? Not even for $1 million?
Yeah, because there’d be no guarantee I could get out.
Well, I think you’d get out with a steak knife.
I’ve had some pretty cheap steak knives.
I think you’d get out one way or another with that steak knife – what if like after 24 hours of being there, somebody would go in there and cut you out?
After 24 hours? Could I bring a sack lunch with me?
Sure. Would it be human flesh and goat semen?
Now that would cost another million.
Would you? For $2 million?
Would I have some water to wash it down with?
No, only goat semen.
Then no.
Anonymous 5
What’s grosser than gross?
Grossest.
