Maybe you’re just sick

December – a few weeks before Christmas.

“Hey, watch out!”

“Oh, my God! What is that?”

“It’s … some sort of white … powder … get outta here!”

“9-1-1! 9-11! Emergency in downtown Portland, we got some sort of white powder falling from the sky! I repeat, some sort of white powder is falling from the sky. Evacuate the area. Get emergency vehicles here immediately!”

“Wait a second … it … no … couldn’t be. It’s only snowing!!”

“Wow, you’re right! It is just snow! We thought it was some sort of biological weapon.”

“Anthrax fight!!”

Jumping to conclusions, huh? Maybe we should stop doing that.

But I really don’t think it’s possible to stop.

You know, winter is approaching quicker than we think. So is flu season. What is going to happen to this country when white powder (snow) starts falling from the sky and people around the country develop flu symptoms, which are very similar to the first symptoms of Anthrax? Are we going to rush to the nearest hospital and flood them with our wild accusations of Anthrax terror? I hope not. But, as of right now, from what I can see, a little bit of powder is causing too many people to get into panic mode.

You know, we really haven’t had a good enough reason to panic since Sept. 11.

We have been warned of possible future attacks for the last few weeks. To our luck, nothing has happened yet. But why are we even being warned? What can that possibly accomplish?

The government gave a broad statement claiming there is a 100 percent chance that there will be more attacks.

Quick! Everybody move to South Dakota before some terrorist attack happens in a place and a way that we have no idea of. I am sure glad the government is out to protect the people.

I understand that the government is trying to protect its own ass. If they do not warn us of an attack, and then one happens, the people will then march to the capital asking, “why didn’t you warn us of this attack?”

Okay, the government is helping us in other ways too.

They are making our airports safe. Armed guards on board. No curbside check-in.

You know, I am glad that they eliminated curbside check-in. It would be a terrible shame for a terrorist to plant a bomb in front of the main terminal so that it will blow up and kill the six people who still have enough balls to get in a plane.

Well, there must be another way that the government is making us safe. Oh yeah, the airplane thing again. But what about the other kinds of transit? What about MAX? What about Tri-met? And what about the streetcar? Isn’t somebody thinking about the streetcar?

Who is protecting these methods of transportation from the terrorists?

I just hope that the next time I ride Tri-met, I will be sitting between three big, sweaty, scary, “I-could-eat-a-whole-garbage-can-full-of-sauerkraut” kind of guys who will protect little ol’ me when somebody on board pulls out a box knife and threatens to crash the bus into the Willamette, killing all of the fish.

If that happens, well, then maybe I’ll start to panic.