Last weekend I was out clubbing with two of my friends when atall, handsome guy, with a “bing” smile and a buzz cut approachedme.
He grabbed my whiskey sour off the bar and began to slurp itdown right in front of me. Then he put my empty glass back on thebar and asked me to “grind” with him.
What the fuck was this guy thinking?
At first, I thought the guy was cute, but now he was just beingslimy.
Suddenly, to my relief, the bartender walked by and the creepyguy yelled to him, “Hey, can the lady get a fresh drinkplease?”
He then looked back at me and said, “I thought if your glasswere empty you might consider letting me buy you a drink. Oh, and Iwas just kidding about the whole grinding thing.”
At this point I thought this guy might be kind of witty,interesting even; strange but possibly fascinating.
We started talking and I found out his name is Brandon and thathe is in the Air Force. He told me all about flying planes and saidthat he couldn’t stay out late because he had to get up early topractice his touch and goes with F14s at the airport.
He sounded too good to be true. His smile was comforting, butthere was something about him that told me to think twice.
I enjoyed our conversation, but I got the feeling it was timefor me to leave. When I told him I had to go, he said he would,too. We walked outside together and as I was about to say goodnight, someone came from behind me, grabbed my ass and in a nasalvoice said, “Hey, baby, wanna fuck?”
I was so appalled, I thought I might gag. When I looked up atBrandon to see if he was going to do something about it, all he didwas laugh and give the guy a high-five. I didn’t know what to do,so just rolled my eyes and walked away.
No sooner had I turned around, Brandon grabbed my wrist andsaid, “Maxi, please excuse my roommate Troy – he’s a bit too bluntfor some people. What he really meant to say is, well, we think youare really fuckable and we want to know if you’d like to come backto our place and have some fun with us?”
I was so shocked that such a normal-looking couple of guys couldbe so incredible creepy and disgusting.
This experience has taught me a very valuable life lesson. I canno longer go around checking out guys, in hopes one will have someshred of human decency. They don’t.
We are living in a world where men are so easy it’s appalling. Ican’t stand writing about men like those described in this article.I am finished with easy men.
I have decided to join a convent. Yes, I know this must beshocking to all of my readers, but it is something I have to do. Asof today, I am a nun. From now on I will only answer to “SisterMaxi,” and will no longer indulge you with this column.