Men, women, straight, gay, lesbian, bi, poly—almost everyone loves getting down and dirty. Sex is simply a part of the human experience. We were given genitals and the ability to orgasm for a good reason. Why not do everything we can to make it as rad as possible?
Men, women, straight, gay, lesbian, bi, poly—almost everyone loves getting down and dirty. Sex is simply a part of the human experience. We were given genitals and the ability to orgasm for a good reason. Why not do everything we can to make it as rad as possible?
Unfortunately, from the hearsay of our friends, to taking notes from pornos, to believing everything Hollywood has taught us about romance, sometimes we wind up taking some serious missteps.
After polling a slew of 20-somethings, I’ve compiled a list of the most common major mistakes people tend to make in bed. These responses came from across the spectrum of sexual orientations. If you can just remember these no-no’s, perhaps we can all be a little more mindful, and more effective, when we’re fucking each other’s brains out.
Blah blah blah!
Dirty talk is good, except when you go overboard and start rambling. A few sexy phrases here and there can really spice things up. But dictating an entire erotic novel to your lover can be really distracting. You run the risk of taking your partner out of the moment and stealing focus away from what’s going on downstairs.
Sexy outfits (mostly) rule!
It’s true; they really do! It’s scientifically proven that men take in much of their arousal visually. But sexy wear can wear on your lovin’ when the material it’s made of is scratchy or abrasive. Take note: If you’re uncomfortable in the outfit, chances are it doesn’t feel great on his trouser snake, either.
Food is fun!
Food play in bed can be a good thing. Nibbling, biting, licking and sucking are all ways to enjoy sweet treats, including your partner. And cold foods and ice cubes can be a big stimulant for lips and nips. But foodies beware: Cold, frozen things stick to warm, wet things. So before you shove a frozen banana in her cooter, think twice, be nice and play it safe with warmer options. Easy does it!
What guy doesn’t like a good hand-job? It brings us back to simpler times, when foolin’ around with your wang was as good as it got. It’s true that lady parts are usually more delicate than a man’s. But the tip of their joystick is sensitive, too! Don’t forget there is a shaft right below that has loads of nerves as well, and it can take a lot more abuse than its hardhat.
Speak up!
Guys—in case you haven’t noticed—you don’t have a vagina. So when you head downtown to eat some pie, don’t be shy! It’s perfectly acceptable to ask questions such as, “Like this?” or, “Right here?” By asking brief, one-breath questions, you’ll know for sure whether you’re properly diddling her skittle.
Shut the fuck up!
Being open with a new partner is important for the health of that relationship. But letting people know where you stand doesn’t require a lengthy sexual biography. Keep your juicy letters to penthouse to yourself. Chances are your new love doesn’t want to know where your last mate stuck his or her fingers.
Ask first, please!
Single-finger stimulation of the male prostate is rumored to lead to a blindingly intense orgasm. But allow me to offer a word of caution: Ask before you test the tensile strength of your lover’s corn-hole. If they don’t want to experiment, going full-steam ahead is a dangerous choice that could land you shit out of luck.
Rules of engagement
Some people just love a good orgy. But remember, folks: You must be prepared for anything! If you’re not ready to dress up like a woodland creature and masturbate while singing selections from Les Misérables until everyone orgasms, then don’t bother coming at all.
A place for everything
It’s perfectly fine to experiment with your willing partner when it comes to using sexually pleasing toys. There is a limit, however, to the type, size and shape of the items allowed down there. Be considerate and shell out $20 for a proper dildo! Just because a cell phone vibrates doesn’t make it a viable sex toy.
Heavy handed
If someone’s nice enough to give you a blowjob, be courteous while they’re working. Pornos make pushing a woman’s head down with your hand look sexy. Sort of. But unless you want your lover’s lunch all over your junk, let her gauge her own gag reflex.
Are we there yet?
Whether you’re a screamer or quiet as a mouse, between all that huffing and puffing things sometimes go unnoticed. So don’t leave your lover in the dark. Give them at least some clue that you’re going to climax. Nothing kills the mood faster than your partner asking, “Did you finish?”
