The Grammar Grouch: Apostrophes

This is a good week, my fellow grammar-savvy students! I even bid a friendly hello and tip of the cap to the Portland State Clown College Bozos! No, the Grouch hasn’t found a Mrs. Grouch to snuggle up with and make plans to spend spring break insulting anyone whose blog is rife with poor grammar. However, yesterday was Grammar Day, and I feel great knowing there are national efforts to wider spread the awareness of proper punctuation and verb agreement.

Since asking for feedback last week, I heard from some fans that enjoy my supercilious slant against the Bozos. This week, I will talk about two aspects of apostrophe use that peeve me worse than remembering that I have no Mrs. Grouch (apparently, knowing when to use a hyphen and a semicolon doesn’t titillate the fairer sex).

The first and most egregious abuse of apostrophes I see is their use among references to decades. I cringe every time I see the 1940’s or the 1770’s (the Grouch likes war decades, you see). The only time you’d want to use an apostrophe in reference to a decade is when you omit the first two numerals, such as Class of ’97 or ’66 Ford Mustang.

The other major apostrophe error I see is when a Bozo forgets to use an apostrophe in a possessive sense. They write, “Hans pencil was broken.” Now, without the possessive apostrophe, it reads as though a pencil named after a German guy was broken, because “Hans” modifies “pencil.” However, “Han’s pencil was broken” changes the sentence to mean that a pencil owned by a Star Wars character was smashed.

You may have noticed that I took it easy on the Bozos this week. That’s because even a typographical curmudgeon such as the Grouch enjoys hearing he’s appreciated, so maybe less insulting and more informing is in order. That said, 85 percent of you are sad jackasses who couldn’t tell a solidus from an ampersand.