The Rant & Rage: Marriage issues are so gay

The battle in California is still being waged. Last month a judge in California overturned the infamous Proposition 8 voted in by Californians designed to prevent gays and lesbians from marrying. This of course created a bit of an uproar among the state’s anti-gay marriage crowd—and of course, those people are idiots.

I get it—some folks just won’t get behind gay marriage. And you know what, more power to them…sort of. They can believe, act and operate as they wish. You don’t like gay marriage, then go for it and keep on…not liking gay marriage.

However, that is you. The rest of the world who doesn’t give two shits whether two people want to commit themselves to each other for life will believe, act and operate as they wish. I think that’s called, you know, living in America, freedom, something like that.

But like I said, I get it. Marriage is a rather special and sacred thing and has been for years. This is something straight people understand and have a handle on—something gay people might not, right? I mean, straight marriages have always proven over time to be a success. Straight people don’t cheat or divorce. They don’t screw up.

Unless you’re Ted Haggard, evangelical pastor and confidant of President George W. Bush, who cheated on his wife…with a male prostitute for over three years.

Or congressman Mark Foley, republican representative from Florida, who had to leave office in 2006 after word got out he was sexting with his male pages. Perhaps as shocking as the explicit texts themselves is the fact that someone over 50 was texting in the first place.

Eliot Spitzer left office as governor of New York after it was discovered he was stepping out on his wife and frequently using a high-priced escort service. Around the same time, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford admitted to having an affair with an Argentinean journalist.

Then again there is married Senator Larry Craig of Idaho, who was caught by police “cottaging” (cruising for anonymous sex) in a men’s bathroom at the Minneapolis St. Paul International Airport—adding “wide stance” into the gay lexicon of phrases that also contain “bear,” “butch,” “in the closet” and “don’t drop the soap.”

Political icon Newt Gingrich is a big fan of marriage—so much he has done it three times so far. After getting a taste for marriage the first time, he had an affair, divorced, and married again. That seemed to be a format that worked well for him, because years later he found another woman—23 years younger than himself—had another affair, divorced and remarried. Now that’s a man who is committed…to getting married…often.

Deborah Jeane Palfrey made an entire career as the “D.C. Madam,” supplying our nations most powerful, influential and shining beacons of integrity with prostitutes for over 13 years.

I always laugh at the notion forwarded by some straight people that they don’t approve of homosexual behavior, when really, let’s be honest, all the straight people out there aren’t exactly upholding a grand standard of purity. We all know what really happens in the dating scene—the one-night stands, the goings-on in the back of the bar or drunkenly meeting someone at a party. Hell, ever watched “Jersey Shore?”

With men, we have always liked to say, “boys will be boys.” So is it really any different if boys will be boys…with other boys? The behavior is the same—your standard is not.

The gay community might not give the “correct” impression to some people, as if any misstep in their lives overshadows everything else. Then again, the anti-gay rights crowd never really affords the chance to give another impression—while at the same time ignoring those who have been providing positive examples for years.

So what the hell is the logic when an anti-gay marriage proponent comes down on homosexual behavior, yet also wants to deny any behavior indicative of an honorable and respectable relationship?! You know, behavior such as marrying and entering into a committed relationship. I suppose it can be hard to see that though, from up there, on such a high horse.