Aries (March 21–April 19)
The spring rain might be dampening your mood, but hang in there, focus and own those finals. When the sun’s finally back, leave that cave behind and enjoy your newfound freedom in the full light of day. Better yet, call your tribe and bring along some friends.
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
Keep your head up, Taurus. You may have had a weekend filled with regrets, but try not to get sucked down the rabbit hole. Try to do something nice for yourself. Pull out that bath bomb you’ve been balming for. Or lock your phone away in a drawer (and take out something else that vibrates) and have some well deserved me time.
Gemini (May 21–June 21)
To all my gems out there, I know the struggle bus of pushing through these last two weeks have your inner twins clawing at each other to either get your homework done or brunch it up with your adult fremps who don’t have finals, but it’s all about finding that balance. Make time for homework, but don’t beat yourself over the head about it—you’re almost done champ, just a little longer.
Cancer (June 22–July 22)
The finish line is upon you and your motivation to pass that baton forward is seriously lacking. Buck up kiddo! Set your sails high as you swoop into summer. Your behind looks fine, butt your future looks finer.
Leo (July 23–August 22)
Hey you, tiger! What’s been going on? Why don’t you come and join me on this fur rug and we can get on down to the good stuff. That being some serious studying, ya dirt bag! Focus on finals for two seconds, would ya?! GOSH!
Virgo (August 23–September 22)
So Mercury just called—not even in retrograde—and we learned a little secret or two about you. Guess what…it’s only gas, ya bish!
Libra (September 23–October 23)
Another week, another smashing success. It’s like you don’t even have to try.
Scorpio (October 24–November 21)
You’re feeling burned out, but now’s not the time to quit. Sting those blues and carry on through to the light at the end of the tunnel. Console yourself with the fact that you’re almost done. With a little more effort, the pain will subside and you’ll be clear on the path to comfort and bliss.
Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)
Follow your heart’s desire and open up your heart chakra to the tune of spring jumping through the fields. You’ve done well all term, now give yourself a break and blow off those last few assignments. Fuck it!
Capricorn (December 22–January 19)
What are you even doing with yourself, Captastic? SRSLY? It’s the end of spring term, sure, but it’s really no excuse to slump into senioritis—especially if you aren’t a senior. Now get off of Netflix, get out into the real world and bust some Cap in that a$$.
Aquarius (January 20–February 18)
Make plans to do something nice for a special snowflake in your life. Take your younger siblings to an arcade, mow your boo’s lawn or give your mom a lucky elephant statue. Small gestures will make the people you love beam with girlish-boyish rays of joy. And that’ll combat your recent ennui.
Pisces (February 19–March 20)
Tune out those mad voices draining out your spirit blood. Take hold of your power and channel the glorious good to dissipate the evil holding you down. Be brave, brothers and sisters! The finals demons are soon defeated and the succor of success near at hand.
