Word up: blogged sex heats D.C.
Why is it that the most “moral” of politicians manufacture theidea that sex happens only in their homes? And even then, onlybehind roughly-hewn log doors where babies play on woven rugs, outof sight of quick, efficient, reproductive sex. In Washington thisweek politicians were reminded that the truth of their politicalsex lives was not a secret-it is being chronicled by aides andinterns from Foggy Bottom to Capital Hill. The web log (or blog)has remade Washington by reasserting the often forgotten ideal that”one voice does matter.” This time, though, the voices behind theblogs are not calling for political change, or even politicaldialogue, they are telling Washington’s sexy secrets (secrets onlythe peculiar Ken Starr dared touch in the halls of government).
Tell it how you want, but people have illicit sex. There issurely no exception among the satin marble halls and penetratinglypointed monuments of Washington (despite what the conservativemajority may have you believe). Clinton’s trial for lying about sexto his enemies was a revelation, not because of the oval office’spenchant for pretty things, but because his impeachment exposed aWashington that conservatives (and many liberals) hypnoticallypretend they are not a part of. The many conservatives who proddedClinton for more information about his sex life, like the witchthrusting her finger into Hansel’s rib to feel the girth of hismeat, were exposed as adulterers themselves.
It must be a hallowed tradition that Washington neuroticallydenies that power is one hell of an aphrodisiac. Into this arena ofdenial enter America’s young interns and legislative aides who,with their blogs, are slaying the myths of Washington’s perpetualvirginity. This week, an aide to Sen. Mike Dewine, R-Ohio, wasbusted for her blog Washingtonienne. Her chronicle of Washingtonlife was not one of high-minded ideals, echoing legislative wins,and celebratory toasting in brassy steak houses. It was a differenttype of Washington chronicle: sex for money from high-rankingofficials, cynical codes for secretive trysts with lobbyists, and”staff ass” (as she says the politicians like to call staffassistants). Apparently, Ms. Midwest went to Washington and becameMs. Washingtonienne.
Needless to say Washington is in another sex tizzy.High-profile, take no bullshit popular Washington blogger Wonkettespread the Washingtonienne’s message (if not outright believing hertales of machiavellian ejaculation). In the very least, though,Wonkette shares Washingtonienne’s sentiment that “Congressionaloffices are full of dealers and hos.” The upsurge in blogging amongthese fresh-faced aides (and apparently sweet-bottomed, as bothbloggers lament the politicians’ love for anal sex) indicate thatthe secrets of Washington are beginning to spill like seed upon theland-the Washington mall soon will become lush with the exposedsecrets tilled in the sunshine of the bloggers own ribald truth.Unfortunately, as fast as the DC bloggers type, the faster they arebeing busted by their bosses (a “loser” boss as Washingtoniennecalled Senator Dewine on the blog).
Have the politicians finally learned a political lesson aboutsex with interns? As if. In my opinion, the heat of this politicaldrama seems to only embolden the politician’s belief that youngaides should continue to bend over and take it. Blogs, however, maybegin to settle this score, as Washingtonienne did this week.Before long the bloggers in DC will be emboldened to name names.When this happens you can be sure that strict regulation of theInternet (and blogs) will begin a political journey into law.
