You up?


You know the feeling. You wake up well rested, the birds are chirping, the sun is out, the day is beautiful. You check your phone and *record scratch* YOU MISSED IT. The “you up?” text. Not to worry, we’ve come up with a no-mess chart to help you out with the perfect response.

  1. First things first: Is this someone who you want texting you?
    1. Of course! (go to 2)
    2. NOT interested. (go to 3)
  2. How far into the night did you receive the text?
    1. 8 p.m. (go to 4)
    2. 11 p.m. (go to 5)
    3. 1 a.m. (go to 6)
    4. 3 a.m. (go to 7)
  3. GO ABOUT YOUR DAY! You absolutely cannot be bothered and you do NOT need this person distracting you.
  4. Seriously? Is this text from a first grader? Tell ‘em to call you when they get their bedtime extended.
  5. Okay, this was prime time. You couldn’t stay up a little longer? Sorry, nevermind. Here’s the important decision: How long do you want to wait to respond?
    1. Respond in the morning (go to 8)
    2. Respond in the afternoon (go to 9)
    3. Respond at night (go to 10)
  6. This is how you know they’re interested—it was 1 a.m. and they’re texting you. This is where it could get tricky. Do you want to give in or play hard to get?
    1. Give in (go to 5)
    2. Play hard to get (go to 10)
  7. Don’t answer. It’s for the best you don’t entertain the attention of an insomniac. Unless you’re into staying up extremely late to text them, and if that is the case, head over to 11.
  8. Ok, just remember that you’re probably not catching them in the same mood they were in last night. One does not typically feel the same way they did at 3 a.m. at 8 a.m. when eating their Lucky Charms. (go to 11)
  9. You gave them time to start their morning and be more settled into their day. Make some plans. Tease ‘em a little. Have some fun. (go to 11)
  10. You waited the longest amount of time possible—be careful to not make them lose interest. You better be prepared to possibly have to be the one sending the “you up?” text yourself. (go to 11) .
  11. Congrats! You made it this far, here are some suggestions you can respond with:
  1. Sorry, I was asleep
  2. I had a lot of studying to do last night, what’s up?
  3. I can’t believe I got so into my Ratatouille analysis that I missed your text
  4. *eye emoji*
  5. Just saw this. I was busy trying to dismantle the patriarchy