From Shiv to Shank:

Arnold Schwarzenegger threw his hut (German for ‘hat’) into the gubernatorial recall race in California, joining the illustrious ranks of history’s other notable Austrian carpetbaggers.

The Oregon University System (OUS) reached an impasse in talks with unions, whose members include janitors, secretaries and administrative workers. After an impasse, each party has one week to submit their final offer. September 16 marks the first day unions could strike. The fall quarter at PSU begins on September 29.

Back by popular demand: gentrification! Vera Katz pleased the wealthiest 6th percentile of Portland by announcing the upcoming production of “Pearl District 2: On the Waterfront.”

Kobe Bryant won a Teen Choice Award for best male athlete.

The Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) has electronically subpoenaed Internet Service Providers to access the identities of over 900 screen names of persons accused of music piracy, among them: [email protected] and [email protected] The RIAA will apparently be taking reparations payable in both peg legs and eye-patches.