May 21-June 20
Have you ever considered how you react when your temper flares? That little pain in your chest is your heart telling you that holding back might literally be killing you.
June 21-July 22
Never doubt the power of the thesis, Cancer. This is your week to rock the known world with your summarized words of wisdom.
July 23-August 22
You still have some spinach in your teeth from that power lunch. I don’t know why you’re morally opposed to floss, but you should get your act together.
August 23-September 22
Before that interview next week, be aware that you’re going to spill something on your tie or shirt. I think it’s mustard, but with these food carts around, who knows?
September 23-October 22
Did you know you have a new guilty pleasure TV show coming up? I can’t tell if it’s Masterchef or Cutting in the ATL, but enjoy it either way.
October 23-November 21
The last time you talked to your best friend, you yammered on about heartbreak. This time when they come to you, actually listen instead of nodding and thinking about calculus.
November 22-December 21
Slip n’ slides made with detergent sound fun at the time, but the resulting pain and/or mess is not as fun as one might think.
December 22-January 19
Do you remember the fable about the lion and the mouse? Did you know there was a sequel where the families married into each other and there was then a lion-mouse hybrid running around?
January 20-February 18
The staggering “Yes” in Ireland to marriage equality should give you the fuel you need to succeed. After all, if the Catholics can see reason, you can finish your 10-page essay.
February 20-March 19
What about the ’90s sitcom inspires you to dress like that, Pisces? Did you seriously pull a jean jacket from your closet?
March 21-April 19
You will be visited this week by a mysterious stranger bearing a gift. Is it a good gift or a bad gift? Well, let’s just say Pandora wasn’t the only thing in the box.
April 20-May 20
Did you purposely lead that blind date on, Taurus? Remember: Just because they’re cute doesn’t mean you can’t give them the boot.