Is it hot in here?
Imagine the least appealing sound in the world being put onrecord. Then, imagine it becoming supremely popular and a huge hitwith your kids. Now, you’re not only forced to listen to it, butyou actually have to pretend to like it, as well. Prepare for thiseventuality, as Paul McCartney releases his newest single,”Tropical Island Hum.” The song is sung by Paul and a chorus ofannoying, mangy animals and will form the centerpiece of a probablyjust as suck-tacular DVD, pretentiously titled “Paul McCartney: TheMusic and Animation Collection.” This DVD will be aimed at theconsistently uninteresting “family” market and is due out onSeptember 27, according to NME. I, for one, plan to NOT buy orwatch it ever, since, as everyone knows, nothing Paul did after the”McCartney” album is worth one half of a rat’s ass.
These days, one has to wonder what kind of message will resonatewith the bitter, jaded post-’90s youth voting demographic. Howabout “Vote or Die?” Masterminded by annoying rapper/business mogulP. Diddy, the new campaign has garnered the support of DemocraticParty bigwigs such as Hillary Clinton, Ben Affleck (?) and ReverendAl Sharpton, according to MTV.
“No matter what anybody tells you,” he opined, “the real deal iswhat Puffy said, ‘Vote or Die.’ Your life could be at stake.”
P-iffy’s message echoes that of many who try to encourage one ofthe most indoctrinated generations in history to exercise the onlyright they really have anymore, but is a little more stronglyworded than most. So get ready for a deluge of “Vote or Die”merchandising between now and November. For my money, I can’t thinkof a cheesy voting slogan I’d rather endorse.
All right, Nine Inch Nails haters. Get ready to have your headblown out your ass by Dave Grohl, who will be appearing on TrentReznor’s next album, Bleed Through. According to the NIN Web site,the ex-Nirvana drummer lends his Bonham-esque propulsive force to15 of the 20 potential tracks for the album, which is due out nextyear. Although NIN does sometimes present an easy target (I lovethem, and yet I can think of a million ways to make fun of themright off the top of my head), there’s no denying the bone-crushingpotential of a Reznor-Grohl match up. Add this to the protractedwait for new NIN material, and you have yourself a recipe for anenthusiastic return to eyeliner and angst.
Some lucky flea market patron in Australia has stumbled across atreasure trove of hidden Beatles memorabilia, which includes sealedAbbey Road tapes and hundreds of unseen photographs, according toBillboard. This haul is enough to ensure that Fraser Claughton, thethrift shopper in question, lives on the easiest fucking street intown for a long time, especially if the tapes turn out to beunreleased Beatles material. Why, with that kind of money, youcould almost afford to buy the Beatles’ catalog away from MichaelJackson so these new songs don’t give him a giant shot of cashdirectly into his veinless, atrophied arm.
According to the pasty-faced English music rag New MusicExpress, glam-rock revivalists The Darkness andBeach-Boys-meet-Coldplay pop posers Keane have declared all-out waron each other. It all started when creepy, baby-faced Keane singerTom Chaplin said in an interview that The Darkness was about to beunseated as the U.K.’s number one band. This relatively innocuouscomment sparked a hilarious tirade from Fu Manchu-ed Darknessbassist Frankie Poullain, who ranted: “What are those publicschoolboys like? We used to call namby-pambies like thatbed-wetters, but now they’ve taken it to a whole new league. Keaneare now more sheet-soilers than bed-wetters and play music to suckyour thumb to. I did try to have a word with their lead singerabout all this but I just couldn’t get his dummy off him – he has avery strong grip you know.” Well, I have to say that my vote iswith the band that responds to other musicians’ ambitions bycalling them a bunch of babies.
