Last night and the morning after

Hangovers might be one of the worst human experiences ever. If you are one of the few people out there who hasn’t dealt with a hangover, give yourself a pat on the back because they are dreadful.

Simply put, a hangover is a sick feeling or condition that comes after drinking too much alcohol, whether it be beer, hard liquor, wine or even those Mike’s Hard Lemonades that your mother drinks while tailgating.

After drinking copious amounts of alcohol, you wake up feeling like you’ve been through hell and back. Your head is in agonizing pain as you start searching for any sort of liquid to quench your parched mouth. Sunlight is always the enemy, and anything that makes noise plagues your recovery.

These hangovers may convince you to never touch a bottle again in your life, yet a majority of us still continue to spend our night drunkenly frolicking around hoping to avoid the next calamity coming toward us.

After arduous, extensive research and experimentation over the past couple of weekends, I have gathered enough information to give you all the information I can. I’ve asked almost every person in every bar and club and alcohol-filled event I’ve been to recently what they recommend for those dreaded mornings, and the answers have been a mix of both the bizarre and the simple.

Here’s the lowdown: Preventing hangovers is something that requires a bit of self-control. Usually, before I decide to pop open a bottle of alcohol, I must drink a moderate amount of water. When you’re drinking, you lose about four times more liquid than you gain, which also causes the dehydration that leads to having an arid mouth and a headache.

You get these headaches because your organs are so desperate for hydration that they steal water from your brain, which causes your brain to shrink and pull on the membranes that connect it to your skull. Another tip would be to order your mixed drinks on the rocks. Over time, the ice will dilute the drink and keep you at a solid drunken pace.

Another suggestion would be to make sure that you’ve had enough to eat. If you’re going to go out and drown in booze, you might as well stuff your face with a pizza too. Taking the time to eat a full meal before you go out will keep your blood sugar stable and give you more energy to last throughout the night.

An article from “Men’s Fitness” explains that when your blood sugar drops, you have spikes and crashes. You end up losing energy, feeling jittery and getting really shaky, especially when you’re already chugging brewskis.

Now let’s say you just couldn’t manage to take any of those precautions. There are a multitude of remedies that might alleviate the hangover you’re going to receive in the morning, such as pickle juice, Pedialyte, bacon, Alka-Seltzer, Sprite and jasmine tea. More basic ideas are water, aspirin, exercise, Gatorade, weed and surprisingly, more alcohol (if you can stomach it).

My go-to remedy for Portland State students would be to walk down to Thanh Long’s Restaurant on SW Broadway. A bowl of pho from this place will have you feeling rejuvenated in a matter of minutes. Not only are the prices reasonable, but they give generous amounts of this delicious soup.

After talking about all of these preventative actions against hangovers, there’s a simple answer to the problem: don’t drink that much or at all. Sometimes getting completely hammered isn’t the answer to your crappy day. Maybe try a new hobby, go out for a walk, read a book or watch some interesting HBO documentary.

But hell, what am I saying—there are too many bars in Portland to not have a jolly ol’ drunken time. Cheers to you all and be safe.